[TheCentaur]

it takes you longer to catch your breath after sex than it did to have the sex

[MC PICKS]

When you cant read a teleprompter without getting winded like tyson did on monday night at the sheen roast.

[AL1322]

you know your out of shape when u have to stretch before u mow the lawn

[FindTheLock]

someone mistakes your shirt for a blanket.

[TheCentaur]

Instead of morning wood you get morning gas

[TheCentaur]

you finish eating a banana at a preaseason NHL hockey game and instead of getting up to throw the peel away you throw it on the ice.

[wtt0315]

when ttwarrior beats you in tennis

[crustyme]

when you get on an elevator and everyone nervously looks at the weight limit.

[laclippers504]

When you have a hard time bending over to tie you're shoes

[RCrown2]

.....people can hear your heavy grunts and breathing from outside the bathroom when you are squatting.

....you have to sit down to rest for getting up from sitting down too fast.

[Ricki Roma]

When you cant stand for longer then 10 mins without sitting down

[babyjesus]

...the waiter asks if anyone would care for dessert and everyone looks at you

is that why i never get asked if i want dessert. i swear to god every ******* time the waiter never asks...

[Glitch]

you have an optimal breathing position in which to sit.

[thejanitor]

You may be out of shape if your idea of a square meal is a 5 buck box

[TheCentaur]

You want a Papa John's pizza but can't bear the thought of going without Lava crunch cakes and a sub from Dominos, so you order from both.

[mighty maron]

...when Casey Anthony wont sleep on your couch

[pavyracer]

when a tortoise asks you to move over so she can pass you

[TheCentaur]

The pizza delivery guy won't accept your tips because he considers it blood money.

[crjohnson32]

all the guys who used to suck at hockey when you were a kid are all better than you now.

[tcpugh5]

Your morning ritual consist of the use of baby powder or vaseline.

[TheCentaur]

You start sitting down just to piss.

[MoneyLineDawg]

You're too out of breath to smoke a cigarette after walking to get your pack and walking outside.....Worked with a guy this happens to a few years ago lol, he needs to take a break and sit down for a minute once he gets outside before he puffs away

HORRIBLE

[TheCentaur]

You break a sweat Christmas shopping at the mall

You catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and tell yourself it must be warped

[frostno98]

Feel that fatty belly of yours when tying you shoes or sitting down in your car or computer chair

[Landscaper]

When u sit down in the shower

[TheCentaur]

You're drenched with sweat during ur morning walk while people are running by you happy and dry as a bone

[ProfitBettingSov]

..little objects gravitate towards you and revolve around you.

[marcojuiceman]

when you get on an elevator and everyone nervously looks at the weight limit.

[Grits n' Gravy]

When you have to go through the car wash to get a shower.

When you have a gunt.

When they have your photo posted on the trespass list at all Hometown Buffets.

When you need a bath towel to wipe your ass.

[chilidog]

When you sit on an iPhone and you get an iPad

[TheCentaur]

When they have your photo posted on the trespass list at all Hometown Buffets.

[konck]

When you go to Vegas and the thing your looking forward to the most is the all you can eat buffets,

[billyloco]

When you don't leave the house for weeks at a time, because you do not want to be seen. When you go days without eating or drinking anything because your self hatred is so strong you wish you were dead but don't have the fukkin balls to actually pull that trigger.. When you sleep for 24+ hours in a row because waking up you would have to be yourself. You know you're out of shape when your favorite part of the day is abusing prescription pain killers and hoping your arch fukkin nemesis on SBR loses his/her bet. When you haven't been laid in 6 years and 57 days. When you don't take showers for weeks at a time and have so much acne covering your back and chest you look like a giant fukkin pepperoni. Whenever you get drunk you end up emotionally unstable and begging for your mother. When you sabotage any opportunity at positivity and success. When you fade yourself because deep inside you fukkin hate yourself. When you cut yourself across the street because you don't have the fukkin balls to go down the road. When your favorite hobby is peaking out the fukkin blinds and watching people and wishing ill things upon them.

If this really how you feel....get HELP!!!!!...Talk to a minister, priest, Psychologist, just get help!!

[physed]

When you can't see your shoes while standing up

[Marty]

When your 5 year old says you should try on one of mommy's bras.