[koz-man]

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996)

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Pantheon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record in 1992: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981)

Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" (1966)

Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured co-captain out for the toss next time too." (1981)

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991)

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy no good officiating." (1986)

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" (1991)

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, responded "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

[Nomocino]

Cant remember his name but when Tampa Bay Bucs first ever coach was asked what he thought of his teams Execution he replied" I am all for it"

[ApricotSinner32]

Vegas insider is a prickball. Someone hammer vegas for me thanks chief.

[Smogs]

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record in 1992: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

Absolutely brilliant - a couple of good quotes in there, fukkin shaq you dumb fuk

[treece]

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, responded "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

that's pretty funny.

[shopbar picks]

john mckay was the execution coach. My brother and i still use that to this day with my nephews pee wee team. The stu grimson is hillarious. Straight out of the begining of jerry maguire

[ClimbSomeRocks]

There's a baseball player, Bo or something, can't remember the name, but would always have the dumbest quotes. One of his was something to the effect of "before I speak, I'd like to say something"

[sweethook]

george rogers lol , what else would you want from a george boy that left ga. to go to sc

[SportsMushroom]

funny stuff, some of those are proof that you dont have to be smart to play sports

[Tommy_de1st]

That's good and funny if you ask me

[Carseller4]

Very good stuff... George Rogers, Shaq, Dawson, some of my favorite players.

[MadTiger]

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, responded "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye." that's pretty funny.

It's an old Vaudeville classic, I believe. Shit is pretty good.

[dngf]

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991)

I got a kick out of this one.

[goofyre]

Athletes aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. Some of these are great.

[hubie69]

Indeed, quite good

[Lion4Life]

The Joe Theismann one always cracks me up

[PoweRay]

Nice! lol

[PoweRay]

Some funny ones, lol

[koz-man]

“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” –Yogi Berra

“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” –Tug Mcgraw

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd

“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” –Torrin Polk


“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” – Charles Shackleford

“Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” – Doug Collins

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father” –Greg Norman

“Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.” –Jerry Coleman

“The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.” –Bob Varsha

“You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” -Lou Duva

“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” -Matt Stairs

“The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” –Randy Cross

“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” –Lou Deva… again.

“You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” –Murry Mexted

[gamble]

haha pretty good quotes in this thread

[Tommy_de1st]

I like Greg Norman's quote
He owns some money to his parents, probably he lost 'em on gambling

[chiliv5]

anything that Yogi said was classic

[Salamander]

Ha ha nothing to add, but one of the best threads ever.

[Bartmeister]

Good read. Thanks

[cala56]

thanks for the info. good luck

[str]

These are very funny.

[ROGUE63]

real good LMAo at most of them

[nyjets15]

steve spurriers is a good one in the OP

[Flyers21]

Thanks for sharing, some pretty good ones!

[sonyman]

-----Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

probably a quote every single college basketball player would say

[ClayMaker5252]

Chris shanks got it in the can last night

[koz-man]

The trouble with referees is that they just don't care which side wins. ~Tom Canterbury

The difference between the old ballplayer and the new ballplayer is the jersey. The old ballplayer cared about the name on the front. The new ballplayer cares about the name on the back. ~Steve Garvey

I always turn to the sports section first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page has nothing but man's failures. ~Earl Warren

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break. ~John Madden

I think my favorite sport in the Olympics is the one in which you make your way through the snow, you stop, you shoot a gun, and then you continue on. In most of the world, it is known as the biathlon, except in New York City, where it is known as winter. ~Michael Ventre, L.A. Daily News

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. ~Vince Lombardi

When we played, World Series checks meant something. Now all they do is screw up your taxes. ~Don Drysdale, 1978

During my 18 years I came to bat almost 10,000 times. I struck out about 1,700 times and walked maybe 1,800 times. You figure a ballplayer will average about 500 at bats a season. That means I played seven years without ever hitting the ball.~ Mickey Mantle

With the money I'm making, I should be playing two positions. ~Pete Rose, 1977

Sandy's fastball was so fast, some batters would start to swing as he was on his way to the mound. ~ Jim Murray

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs. ~ Harry Caray

No one wants to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby. ~Lou Brock

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. ~Woody Allen

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. ~Rita Rudner

Andre Dawson has a bruised knee and is listed as day-to-day. Aren't we all? ~Vin Scully

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. ~Jack Handey

Prize fighters can sometimes read and write when they start - but they can't when they finish. ~Martin H. Fischer

October is not only a beautiful month but marks the precious yet fleeting overlap of hockey, baseball, basketball, and football. ~Jason Love

One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good. ~Abe Lemmons

The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle. ~Author Unknown

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee. ~Jay Leno

It is all very well to say that a man should play for the pure love of the game. Perhaps he ought, but to the working man it is impossible. ~J.J. Bentley

I know we're meant to be these hard-headed, money-obsessed professionals but we're still little boys at heart. Just ask our wives. ~Rob Lee, 1998

Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake. ~Sylvester Stallone, 1990

Professional wrestling's most mysterious hold is on its audience. ~Luke Neely, 1953

As a manager, you always have a gun to your head. It's a question of whether there is a bullet in the barrel. ~Kevin Keegan, 1995

The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition. ~Nick Seitz

Most people are in a factory from nine till five. Their job may be to turn out 263 little circles. At the end of the week they're three short and somebody has a go at them. On Saturday afternoons they deserve something to go and shout about. ~Rodney Marsh, 1969

The umpire... is like the geyser in the bathroom; we cannot do without it, yet we notice it only when it is out of order. ~Neville Cardus

Most games are lost, not won. ~Casey Stengel

It is a noteworthy fact that kicking and beating have played so considerable a part in the habits which necessity has imposed on mankind in past ages that the only way of preventing civilized men from beating and kicking their wives is to organize games in which they can kick and beat balls. ~George Bernard Shaw

The more I practice, the luckier I get. ~Jerry Barber, about golf

Baseball and football are very different games. In a way, both of them are easy. Football is easy if you're crazy as hell.
Baseball is easy if you've got patience. They'd both be easier for me if I were a little more crazy - and a little more patient. ~Bo Jackson

There isn't a single professional sports season now that doesn't go on at least a month too long. Baseball starts in football weather, and football in baseball weather, and basketball overlaps them both. ~James Reston

There's nothing wrong with the Little League World Series that locking out the adults couldn't cure. ~Mike Penner, Los Angeles Times

If you make every game a life-and-death thing, you're going to have problems. You'll be dead a lot. ~Dean Smith

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. ~Steven Wright

[Wrecktangle]

Wow, these are some great quotes. I'm going to have to scrape these and keep them somewhere.

[gryfyn1]

Cant remember his name but when Tampa Bay Bucs first ever coach was asked what he thought of his teams Execution he replied" I am all for it"

John Mckay, who had a few others as well.

"We've determined that we can't win at home and we can't win on the road. What we need is a neutral site."

"We didn't block real good, but we made up for it by not tackling."

Also when he was at Tampa he wore a shirt saying "Five Year Plan"; when he asked why it was a 5 year plan, he replied "because that's how long my contract is.


Let us not forget Jason Kid's promise to the Mavs on his draft day -- "to turn the team around 360 degrees"

[geist]

"when do right, no can defend." ~ Mr. Miyagi on teacher Daniel-san the Crane Kick.