[goucla]

LENIN- The Day we hang the capitalists they will they to sell us the rope

[goucla]

try*

[koz-man]

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. ~Steven Wright

There's more to boxing than hitting. There's not getting hit, for instance. ~George Foreman

We have forty-four defenses for him, but he has forty-five ways to score. ~Al Attles, on Nate Archibald

Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts; I'll win a pennant every year. ~Sparky Anderson

Finish last in your league and they call you Idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor. ~Abe Lemons

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. ~ Gerald R. Ford

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you? ~ Ben Hogan

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. ~ Rogers Hornsby

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there. Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up. ~ Jimmy Carter

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again. ~ Hugo Black

Monica Seles - I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night. ~ Peter Ustinov

My only feeling about superstition is that it's unlucky to be behind at the end of the game. ~ Duffy Daugherty

I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it. ~ Ray Malavasi

And Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season. ~ Garry Lyon

There are really only three things to learn in skiing: how to put on your skis, how to slide downhill, and how to walk along the hospital corridor. ~Lord Mancroft

If you come to a fork in the road, take it. ~ Yogi Berra

The Yankees are only interested in one thing, and I don’t know what that is. ~ Louos Polonia

I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle vacuuming. ~ Johnny Bench

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. ~ Gordie Howe

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good. ~ Tom Watt

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win. ~ Doug Collins

You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle. ~ Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team. ~ George Raveling

I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona. ~ Mark Draper

Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match. ~ Ian Wright

Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field. ~ Metro Radio

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it. ~ Source Unknown

This is a really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother. ~ Ted Walsh

If at first you don't succeed … So much for skydiving. ~ Henry Youngman

Whenever I feel like exercising I lie down until the feeling passes! ~ Robert M. Hutchins

If hockey fights were fake, you would see me in more of them.~ Rod Gilbert

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.~ Spider Lockhart

Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.~ Shug Jordan

The sun doesn't shine on the same dog's butt every day but we sure didn't expect a total eclipse.~ Steve Sloan

[shopbar picks]

Excellant job Koz. Very good. Been in health care for 20yrs and use (what do you call the the guy who finished last in med school all the time). Need more yogisms posted! all classic

[koz-man]

Heres some Yogisms

"All pitchers are liars or crybabies."

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

"Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical."

"Bill Dickey is learning me his experience."

"He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious."

"How can a you hit and think at the same time?"

"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

"I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won twenty-five games. What I don't understand is how he lost five."

"I don't know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads."

"If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?"

"I'm a lucky guy and I'm happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary."

"I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

"In baseball, you don't know nothing."

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"I never said most of the things I said."

"It ain't the heat, it's the humility."

"It gets late early out there."

"I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house."

"It's like deja vu all over again."
"I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I'd never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field."

"Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets."

"Ninety percent of this game is half mental."

"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."

"So I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face."

"Take it with a grin of salt."

"The game's isn't over until it's over."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going because you might not get there."

"We made too many wrong mistakes."

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

[Wrecktangle]

I think you missed my favorite Yogi quote, "The future ain't what it used to be."

[cant call it]

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Pantheon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to." Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro." Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record in 1992: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981) Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" (1966) Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured co-captain out for the toss next time too." (1981) Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991) Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy no good officiating." (1986) Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991) Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996) Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" (1991) Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, responded "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

[koz-man]

If you screw things up in tennis, it's 15-love. If you screw up in boxing, it's your ass. ~Randall "Tex" Cobb

I was called "Rembrandt" Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas. ~Bob Hope

Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning, you get off to a bad start. If you lose in the middle of the season, you're in a slump. If you lose at the end, you're choking. ~Gene Mauch

He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem. ~Eddie Shaw, referring to Herol "Bomber" Graham

It may be that all games are silly. But then, so are humans. ~Robert Lynd

I cannot for the life of me see why the umpires, the only two people on a cricket field who are not going to get grass stains on their knees, are the only two people allowed to wear dark trousers. ~Katharine Whitehorn

Many continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game. ~George Mikes, How to Be an Alien, 1946

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. ~Lord Mancroft

Oh God, if there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain. ~Alec Douglas Home

Cricket is baseball on valium. ~Robin Williams

Life is simply a cricket match, with temptation as the bowler. ~Author Unknown

If horses can't eat it, I won't play on it. ~Dick Allen

Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever. ~Vince McKewin, from the movie The Replacements

Pain is nothing compared to what it feels like to quit. ~Author Unknown

Losers quit when they're tired. Winners quit when they've won. ~Author Unknown

You're playing worse every day and right now you're playing like the middle of next week.
The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel. ~Robert Morley, 1965

Every day you guys look worse and worse. And today you played like tomorrow. ~John Mariucci

The Russians have a weapon that can wipe out two hundred eighty thousand Americans. That puts them exactly ten years behind Howard Cosell. ~Red Smith

Motor racing's less of a sport these days than a commercial break doing 150 mph. ~Peter Dunne, 1992

A tough day at the office is even tougher when your office contains spectator seating. ~Nik Posa

[koz-man]

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? ~Vince Lombardi

Winning is overrated. The only time it is really important is in surgery and war. ~Al McGuire

I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway you're on the same wave
length as the referees. ~Jonathan Davies, 1995

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. ~Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. ~George Brett, 1986

It's like going into a nuclear war with bows and arrows. ~Joe Kinnear, comparing finances and resources in high-dollar and low-dollar sports teamsPro football is like nuclear warfare.

There are no winners, only survivors. ~ Frank Gifford

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church. ~Robin Williams, 1982

Officials are the only guys who can rob you and then get a police escort out of the stadium. ~Ron Bolton

[sonyman]

------Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, responded "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

lol---love reading these quotes..so funny

[soxwin]

"Winfield goes back to the wall, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base. This is a terrible thing for the Padres." -

Former Player / Broadcaster Jerry Coleman

[Stumpage]

Brilliant stuff.....Dawson's quote in post 1 is an all-tme classic.....

[window]

How did u get all these quotes. Old school ones