[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

Dear daneblazer,

So sorry to hear about your misfortune in the SBR 9pm tourney last evening. Our records show you were provoked into an ill-advised "all-in" whilst holding a measly pair, via a certain member's metagame antics (the member shall remain nameless for security reasons); all while ignoring the clear indication that yisman's lower pair would snap you off and send you ignominiously to the rail, as 88 in your hand previously warned you (if you were paying proper attention) that yisman's 88 was destined to ram it up your poop chute in that particular hand by way of a certain set.

We at SBR offices can only lead our members to clearly forecast waters, but we can't make members drink.

Better luck next time, and we at SBR strongly suggest paying closer attention to detail, next time, so that such unfortunate occurrences will not repeat themselves.

We also strongly recommend you play more like the winner of the 9pm tourney:





and less like ttwarrior:



BTW, our chat records show that this particular winner politely asked you to hang around, observe and take copious notes on how to navigate the rigors of a SBR tournament. Everyone at the SBR offices hopes to hell you heeded his sage remarks -- and did exactly that.

Lastly, SBR noticed upon your tourney departure you mentioned something in chat about "trying to convince the wife to have sex"; while we strongly doubt anything of the sexual sort actually occurred last night -- and you probably settled for watching a "Survivor" episode on DVR -- we are indeed kicking around the idea of posting a line in the SBR Book under "exotic betting" concerning the odds of you having any kind of carnal knowledge with the wife from now until the end of the year. Stay tuned, the opener appears to be settling in at around (+550).

We thank you for playing here... SINCERELY,

-- SBR Doug

[daneblazer]

Eh...shoving tens there provoked or not. Been tough poker sledding lately, but that's the nature of things. Congrats on the win...Sorry I couldn't stick around. Actually had brother vs brother and paw patrol reruns to watch. I live a wild life these days and may need to tone it down soon.

Stay tuned, the opener appears to be settling in at around (+550).

shop around, I'm sure you can find a better line

[GUMMO77]

Actually had brother vs brother and paw patrol reruns to watch. I live a wild life these days and may need to tone it down soon.

Someone will be by later this week to take this.

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

Wow... just seeing this now.

Not really happy that "SBR Doug" hacked my account to post this, but being that I always suspected Russian Rocket of being former poker mod "Doug"... I guess it kinda all makes sense when you think about it.

In the Big Picture sense, it was really all yisman's fault.

He's the one that wanted you to push on that wimpy hand with so many BB's left so he could bust you, I was merely an innocent dupe (think Lee Harvey Oswald)... and just typed off a "script" that yisman provided me in PM. As most know, I prefer to humbly go about my business in SBR poker and rarely say much of anything (just ask Centaur for confirmation of my taciturn ways).

Anyway, coupla things before I head out to hopefully watch Lexi Belle in Connecticut tonight:

1. Rocketeer... please refrain from further hacking my account and posting, unless you also follow through and bet all my pts on a hockey winner.

2. yisman... while your planned worked, next time I will require a substantial pts payment in return for your dirty work.

3. I doubt SBR will post an actual line of "daner has any form of sex with wife before his Birthday Blowie next year?"... as the "Hell NO!" bets pouring in would leave them too exposed to betpoint ruin. Perhaps if Jon Kretna agreed to lay some action off... well, maybe.

[daneblazer]

Surprised Doug had any spare time with all the fast paced poker action going on the weekends at SBR

[ChuckyTheGoat]

Did Kassouff talk him into it?

[sweep]

Someone will be by later this week to take this.

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

Dear daneblazer,

Our records once again indicate misfortune for you in the 9pm tournament. Curiously, a certain SBR'er (who will remain nameless due to his potential involvement in President-elect Trump's Transition Team) seems to have won yet another tourney in which you were involved.



Hereby be forewarned that, just as in the U S of fukkin A, a new dawn has fallen upon SBR poker, and consequently, 18th place LOSERS will soon no longer be tolerated in our tournaments. WINNERS ONLY, please.

Might we at the SBR offices suggest if you don't pick up your pace of play in the tourneys soon, you could always play the Clinton Foundation's "Email Invitational 36,000-650,000 NLH Tournament" over on their Facebook page. We hear Michael Moore is a regular in the tourney and that Debbie Wasserman Schultz always seems to win.

M A & SBR poker G A... SINCERELY,
-
- SBR Doug

[SharpAngles]

Be very careful biter the new First Lady is taking situations like these very seriously

[daneblazer]

Ya I don't get to play these too often. Sometimes when I do I fall asleep


Biter, One more jab like this pal and I'm signing you up for the annual ttwarrior thanksgiving pie gobble & gravy guzzle. Last year TT ate an impressive 87 slices of apple, pecan, key lime, & pumpkin pies...and that was against the first contestent.

loser loses poker privileges until he can write a better bad beat story on the forum than the centaur. Good luck buddy, but I fear that may be your last 1st place for a very long time!!

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

1. WOW... I'm profoundly shocked to see all this. Guess it explains WHY when I went to join the 11pm tourney, I got a popup message saying "only 1 tourney per day". Seems I've been hacked once again (confirmed by the fact my latest Brazzers episodes were deleted from my "special" folder). I initially thought Russian Rocket was behind these hacks, but now suspect perhaps it was SharpAngles -- and he's now in here trying to deflect suspicion by posting. Then again, on second thought, the chances of Sharpy actually winning a tournament is extremely rare... so I'll probably have to direct my suspicions elsewhere. Could be mikejamm for all I know.

2. daner is my friend. I'm as distressed as he is at these posts by "SBR Doug", probably more so. I vow to him publicly that I'll work behind the scenes with Shari & Ivy & Natty & Annie to get to the bottom of this hacking breach (via PM's, sometimes involving photographic depictions in various states of undress to establish "baseline evidentiary protocols").

3. I heard a rumor "across the street" that the real reason The Centaur doesn't post here anymore is not b/c he's banned, but rather, it's because ttwarrior mistook him for a slice of Pecan Pie last Thanksgiving and ate him. Apparently, The Centaur never did get that "Thank You" he so longed for from tt for giving him those 100pts that one time. #RIPthecentaur

4. The only "bullying" I'm interested in is seeing Melania 'bullied' over on Dogfart Network in a BlowBang vid. Being that they're all famous over there, I'd imagine (according to her husband) that Melania will just let them do it to her. Gotta admit, watching 10 or so anal creampies drizzling outta Melania's backdoor would be an interesting version of "draining the swamp." #ComeGetMeNSA

[daneblazer]

Doug when you're done with planning the SBR weekend poker promotions, check the 9pm results pal

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

Dear daneblazer,

While I would be more than happy to check the results (did that same player win... AGAIN?), unfortunately, maintenance on the poker servers has caused the results to be lost for the 9pm. Consequently, all results for the tourney will be discarded and will not count toward current promo, nor will they be added in the yearly results.

Probably best for you, however, as Sam has informed me (in his Texan genteel way) that you have been, and I quote him, "struggling" in the current promo. No need to count those results to only see you fall further behind.

Might I suggest some exciting Omaha play this weekend to hone your game? Also, feel free to check out the HI ROLLER tourney I may/or may not be listing, depending on whether or not Natalie honors her Election Day Bet with me (I had Trump!) and pays off with that sloppy BJ she promised.

As always, thank you for playing, and may you grab all your QQ hands by the pussy... SINCERELY,

-- SBR Doug

[daneblazer]

.
As always, thank you for playing, and may you grab all your QQ hands by the pussy... SINCERELY,

-- SBR Doug

Doug get it together. Make SBR poker great again

[ChuckyTheGoat]

dane, congrats on recent win, pal!

[thechaoz]

How obese is TT? I need fat neck beard pics for science

[Auto Donk]

How obese is TT? I need fat neck beard pics for science

his obesity had nothing to do with me turning down this early in the moring proposition from his aggresive, sexually-harassing ass:






ad-- "no homo"

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

How obese is TT? I need fat neck beard pics for science

Dear chaoz,

I would be happy to provide you with a ttwarrior "fat neck beard" pic, unfortunately, our servers don't support the bandwidth it would require to upload it. So sorry.

On a side but related note, my fellow mod Optional was working on a ttwarrior bust for his "SBR Fatties Hall of Fame" project, but dropped it early this morning, thereby causing some trauma for his neighboring New Zealand:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/w...land/93761808/

Along with his condolences for his blunder, Opti also wants it noted that he will forego any further attempts at making a tt bust, as it would be cost prohibitive to replace so many materials. Instead, Opti will just concentrate on making 2 "The Prick" busts for his SBR Fatties Hall of Fame.

Incidentally, a quick ad hoc poll in our SBR offices to determine if autodonk does, in fact, have a nice ass... produced the following results: (4) YES (Ivy, Natty, Annie, Lou) (1) NO (Jon Kretna) and a write in of "Nice???... holy shit it's ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!!!!" by Petey Loshak.

SINCERELY,
-- SBR Doug