1. #1
    stevenash
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    Trust your pal Nasher on this: This is some of the funniest stuff you'll ever read.

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  2. #2
    Kermit
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    Is there a way to read it without paying?

  3. #3
    bigtymer56
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    Gotta sign in to read this.

    Nash, can you give us the summary?

  4. #4
    stevenash
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigtymer56 View Post
    Gotta sign in to read this.

    Nash, can you give us the summary?
    Damn.
    I can.

    But first let me try to apply some of those Microsoft software tricks I've learned along the way.

    Hang on, let's see.

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  5. #5
    stevenash
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    By C. Trent Rosecrans, Rustin Dodd and Jayson Jenks
    Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto is one of the most interesting men in baseball. To prove it, The Athletic called 14 former teammates (and a couple of old rivals). The stories begin at first …

    Scooter Gennett, infielder: When I was with the Brewers he’d talk to me at first base. It was just his personality coming out.

    Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher: There are not a lot of guys like him.

    Gennett: One day Kyle Lohse was pitching, and he had some tighter pants on, and Joey had some tighter pants on that day. And he was like, “Hey, whose pants are tighter?” I was just like, “What?” I gotta answer the question. It’s Joey Votto. And I’m like, “Yours, Joey. You look way better, too.” He was like, “Nice!”

    Zack Cozart, shortstop: Guys would get on second base and be like, “Man, what’s Joey talking about?” He literally will ask questions about the other team and stuff like, “Who’s the coolest guy on your team?”

    Gennett: He’s on a different wavelength than most people.

    Brandon Hyde, Cubs first base coach: Those conversations would be about the game, our team, his team, politics, Canadian government, the difference between U.S. and Canada.

    Gennett: Joey would look over at me and be like, “How old are you again?”

    Stephen Piscotty, outfielder: It was a longer at-bat. He didn’t say anything initially and then midway through the at-bat he just kind of looked at me and goes, “You went to Stanford, right? You’re an engineer?” I was like, “I mean, yeah, I’m surprised you would know that.” He was like, “OK, so if you’re an engineer, have you ever applied your engineering skills to hitting and how you think about it?” I was like, “Wow, that’s an interesting question.”

    Hyde: He understood the swing better than anybody else. He would tell me when we had players come up (from the minors): “This guy is going to be a good player, this guy is not going to be a good player.”

    Chris Dickerson, outfielder: (Andrew McCutchen) told me this story. He said, “Hey man, what’s up with Votto?” I was like, “Why, what happened?” He said, “I was at first base and dude just looked over and was like, ‘You know, man, if you really tried hard, I think you could be an MVP someday,’ but with the blankest, most dead face, zero emotion face to it.”

    Todd Coffey, pitcher: That was just Joey. I remember saying that a lot.

    Hyde: I’m a big Joey Votto fan.

    Bronson Arroyo, pitcher: He’s his own man.



    Dickerson: When I was in Cincinnati a couple of years ago, I went and had lunch at his house and we hung out, we played FIFA and he had this huge book on his coffee table and it said “How to Survive in the Wild.” It was this enormous guide on how to make shelter, what plants, vegetables you can eat, forage in the forest in case you’re lost. I’m like, “Joe, what’s up with this book?” He’s like, “Hey, you never know.”

    Travis Wong, first base: He took everything to the extreme.

    Dickerson: When he got into watches, he went to Europe and he wanted to understand the process of making a watch. When he got into cars, he knew about all the different components, V8, all the different drive modes, whether it was a mid-rear mounted engine or a rear-rear. Is it four-wheel drive, is it two-wheel rear, is it two-wheel front? Know what I’m saying? It’s always really fascinating to simply watch Joey grow.


    Jay Bruce, outfielder: He reads medical journals. Absolutely.


    Dickerson: He’s into (Aldous) Huxley. That’s one of our things.
    Paul Bako, catcher: He’s just way deeper than anyone and way smarter and way more intellectual.


    Dickerson: Joey’s into chess right now, really into chess.

    Carlos Guevara, pitcher: Every offseason, he decides he’s going to do something. This offseason it was chess, and he goes all-in on it.

    Dickerson: The level he’s at right now, the app won’t let me challenge him because it’s so far advanced.


    Gennett: Joey Votto is playing chess, and the rest of us are playing checkers.

    Guevara: One offseason he made a bet with Aroldis (Chapman) over who would speak better Spanish or English, and Joey the next day is ordering Rosetta Stone. I thought, “This guy’s going to speak better Spanish than me in a year.” And sure enough he’s correcting me on my Spanish.

    Brayan Peña, catcher: This guy is different. He would ask me questions about Cuba. He would bring Johnny Cueto down, and he would talk to Johnny about the Dominican.

    Dickerson: He started doing improv classes in L.A. because he thought it would be a better way to speak to his teammates in an engaging manner. I thought that was so fascinating.

    Gennett: For Joey, every day is a new challenge.

    Dickerson: Joey Votto loves to mop, he loves to mop his house so much to the point where we tried to convince him to make him create an Instagram account called Joey Moppo and it would just be Joey mopping the floor.

    Guevara: He’ll send a random video of music and there’s nobody on the screen and I’m like, “What the hell is this?”

    Dickerson: He’ll send me random videos of him mopping the house while he’s listening to Kendrick Lamar.

    Guevara: And then here he comes across, doing a little dance and mopping. Then he goes off the screen. It’s just that. That’s all I get.


    Dickerson: There’s a method to the madness to everything he does.

    Bruce: One day he said, “I’m going to see how many balls I can foul off this at-bat.”

    Jonny Gomes, outfielder: I’ve seen Joey Votto literally plan out like a month in advance. Days he’s gonna hit homers. Big games. You talk about Babe Ruth called his shot one time. I’ve seen Joey do it 10 to 15 times.

    Bruce: We were in spring training … and he said, “I’m going to hit a curveball out to left field today.”

    Skip Schumaker, infielder: I’m pretty sure Yu Darvish was the one pitching. He said, “If you throw me that slow curveball again, I’ll hit it out of the ballpark.” He threw it again, and he hit it out of the ballpark.

    Gomes: He’d be like, “All right, I’m probably gonna walk four times today.” Or in spring training he’s like, “I’m gonna foul off as many pitches as I can today.” I’m like, “What?” Sure enough …

    Hyde: Joey was off to a rough start. He lined out and then I ran to first base. … He calls me over and says, “Hyder, I’m this close to being locked in.” I’m like, “Really?” He was hitting under .200 at the time and
    struggling.

    Gomes: He’s a genius, if you will, in the game.

    Hyde: Well, he proceeded to get on base nine times in a row after that. It was like homer, double, homer. So he calls me over five at-bats later, probably the next day, and says, “Told you.”

    Wong: He had a bunch of photos of Ted Williams, Barry Bonds, all these great hitters. They were just still photos that he would look at. He’d just examine what was going on with their swing.

    Schumaker: He had a chart of the hot-cold zones of every umpire. I’d never seen that before.

    Dickerson: In Double A, he would subscribe to MLB.com and then he’d identify three hitters — Barry (Bonds), Albert (Pujols), Todd Helton. Todd Helton was one of the all-time spoilers of good pitches, even if that meant the worst swing possible. … Joey would just mimic it. In 2006, he won the Southern League MVP mimicking Albert from the left side. He had this really spread-out stance.

    Guevara: I just remember at the end of the year, him saying, “My legs are tired,” from bending down like that.

    Dickerson: The next year, in Triple A, he started filtering in Todd Helton. He’d take these awful swings just to fight off these bad pitches, he’d take these half-ass swings. He said he got that from Helton.
    Schumaker: I’ve never seen this before: He had diving practice. At like 12:30 before a spring training game, he would have his full uniform on and practice diving to his right and to his left because he wasn’t great at diving to a ground ball. Then fully dirty he would go to the game.

    Bruce: That’s clearly why he’s been so successful at baseball because everything he does on the field, he knows the most about.

    Affeldt: He played mental games.

    Gennett: There was one time where he got buzzed by a lefty. It almost hit him in the face at like 97. He was just shaking his head, trying to forget it. … (Joey) just gets out of the box, doesn’t even call time, and the umpire just stands up. And he literally goes to the dugout. He ran out of the box and took a walking lap over to the dugout. And then he keeps walking, and then just jumps with both feet into the box, puts his hands up ready to hit, doesn’t say a word. The pitcher is like: “What the heck just happened?” The umpire is like: “What’s going on?” We’re all looking around like: “What’s going on?” Then he draws a walk. So I was like: “Joey, what the heck were you doing? What was that?” He’s like: “Scoot, I had that thought that I was vulnerable of getting hit in the face.” I was like: “Well, that’s pretty normal. The guy just threw a ball 97 right by your face.” He goes: “Yeah, but I can’t have that thought when I get in the box.”






    Affeldt: Right in the middle of my delivery, I’d lift my leg and he’d just step out of the box. I’d almost stop my pitch because I thought he called timeout. He didn’t. And then the umpire never called timeout, so I’d throw a ball. And I’d look at him, and he’d just kind of grin. And then he’d do it again. There were a couple times I yelled at him: “If you do that again, I’m gonna hit you in the neck.” But I knew he was bantering. And then the next time I faced him, like two days later, I came set and he looked at me and took his hand off the bat. I kind of looked at him, and he said, “Don’t hit mGennett: He drove a van to spring training.




    Arroyo: He was driving a different $200,000 car every week. And then, pow, he goes to the freaking minivan.

    Gennett: It was for him and his dog.
    Arroyo: I’m like, “Dude, where’s the car at?” He’s like, “What car?” I’m like, “I don’t know, dude, you had a Mercedes last year, you had the Lambo.” He’s like, “No, no, I’ve got the minivan right there. Check this out.” And he’s penetrating showing us how the door opens automatically. He’s like, “I charge it during the game so I can get home.”


    Dickerson: Occasionally he comes out of his shell.


    Arroyo: I got him out for two parties. One time, we went out in Arizona. Another time, I brought him on a boat party. And both times, he absolutely shocked everybody there by being the one guy who was dancing all night. I mean, he was like ballroom dancing with girls on my boat. Bro. Yes. Ballroom dancing, dude. Next to the stripper poles.



    Guevara: At our wedding, he might have sat down for maybe two songs.

    Dickerson: Sometimes you just have to go out with the guys and tie one on. I think we had the day off the next day and he … fell into an ant farm. He showed up to the field the next day, he had ant bites all over his back. I’m pretty sure the next day he still had three hits.

    Arroyo: One time he goes, “Hey man, I’ve got playoff tickets on the floor. Lakers, Game 6.” He goes, “We’ve got to make it out to L.A. in like six hours. So I need a two-hour game. I’ve gotta have something under 2 hours and 30 minutes or I won’t be able to make it.”

    Coffey: One time in spring training, him and Tuffy Rhodes were together. Tuffy took him under his wing and helped him a lot. Joey got him a thank-you present, and it was white tank-top undershirts. Tuffy was like, “Uhh, I don’t know what to say.”

    Arroyo: I would say, “Joey, do you ever sign for those kids sitting outside the clubhouse when you drive out of the parking lot?” He goes, “You mean those people waiting out there on the left?” I’m like, “Yeah.” He goes, “What if one of those fuckers stabbed me with a needle with tuberculosis in it?”


    Affeldt: Very dry humor. Almost some of it dark humor.

    Guevara: My birthday is in the middle of spring training and we’re dragging ass just walking in at 7:15 in the morning to the clubhouse and there I have a full bouquet of flowers and a gigantic Easter bunny. I’m like, “What in the penetrate? Did my mom send this? Are you kidding me?” Everyone’s looking at me. And Joey had sent me a giant bouquet and a gigantic chocolate Easter bunny for 100 minor-league campers to see. I was like, “You son of a bitch.”

    Arroyo: After the last game I ever played in coming back from Chicago, he breaks out on the bus, with his suit on, karaoke. He puts on James Blunt’s “Goodbye My Lover,” and he sang that shit word for word. The whole thing.

    Deck McGuire, pitcher: I didn’t really know the song. Just that he said it’d be a tribute to Bronson.

    Arroyo: Everybody was laughing, but also not really understanding that Joey is just giving an homage to me in the weirdest of ways. Did I disappoint you? Or let you down? It was like, “There it is. There is Joey Votto right there.”

    e in the neck, hit me in the head.”

    Last edited by stevenash; 08-17-21 at 02:26 PM.
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  6. #6
    Bcatswin
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    Shit's so sweet. I've listened to it every day for years. Guy is a way underrated vet imo.

  7. #7
    stevenash
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    As far as intellect goes, the smartest players that played in my lifetime are Mike Mussina and Joey Votto.

    Unlike Votto who oozes personality, Mussina has zero personality, not a good personality or a bad one, just zero personality.
    He graduated Stanford with a four year advanced degree completed in 2.5 years with GPA of over 4.0 (yes, it's possible)

    The best description of Mussina's personality was this "Mike could explain it to you but it would just go way over your head"
    That's why he was so silent.

    Mussina was my favorite pitcher.
    After retiring he sat on the board of the Little League, strong advocate of the wood bat and pro anti aluminum bat advocate.

    Now he's the head coach of the HS varsity basketball team where he went to HS in Pa.
    He doesn't want compensation for that (he really doesn't need it) he coaches to support and advance athletics.

    I would give a weeks pay to sit in on a conversation between Mussina and Votto.

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  8. #8
    RudyRuetigger
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    Nasher, I hope MLB season is treating you well



    Best guy on here when it comes to bases


  9. #9
    asiagambler
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevenash View Post
    As far as intellect goes, the smartest players that played in my lifetime are Mike Mussina and Joey Votto.

    Unlike Votto who oozes personality, Mussina has zero personality, not a good personality or a bad one, just zero personality.
    He graduated Stanford with a four year advanced degree completed in 2.5 years with GPA of over 4.0 (yes, it's possible)

    The best description of Mussina's personality was this "Mike could explain it to you but it would just go way over your head"
    That's why he was so silent.

    Mussina was my favorite pitcher.
    After retiring he sat on the board of the Little League, strong advocate of the wood bat and pro anti aluminum bat advocate.

    Now he's the head coach of the HS varsity basketball team where he went to HS in Pa.
    He doesn't want compensation for that (he really doesn't need it) he coaches to support and advance athletics.

    I would give a weeks pay to sit in on a conversation between Mussina and Votto.
    A great tragedy that Mussina never got a perfect game

    Everyone knows about the close one with the Yankees but there was also the one with the Orioles where he very nearly was perfect against the Indians (broken up with 1 out in the ninth on a single by Sandy Alomar)

    I'm sure you know the Indians were the premier hitting team in the 90's. 8 of 9 hitters in that lineup hit above .300 the year before if I remember correctly

  10. #10
    stevenash
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    Quote Originally Posted by RudyRuetigger View Post
    Nasher, I hope MLB season is treating you well



    Best guy on here when it comes to bases

    Thanks Rudy, I appreciate those words.

    Strangest season ever for me betting baseball and I've been betting baseball since I was in HS

    April, the dogs were barking and biting and I was up big.
    Leveled off in May.
    Than come mid June to early mid July I went on a cooler from hell.

    I went 2 and 11 across 13 games, went 4 and 1, then lost the next seven straight.
    I've never gone 6 and 19 for a month. Never.
    Humbling.

    So I hit the reset button, figured out what was going wrong.
    I figured it out, the game hasn't changed, but the rule changes have.
    That extra inning rule especially effects the run line bettors, and I bet run lines with good pitching on the road.
    So many favorites only winning by one run was killing me.
    I'm a strong advocate of betting chalk quality pitchers on the road only (-1.5 cuts down the juice tremendously)
    But, the books (as usual) had the drop on the sharp run line bettors, they were also cutting down the odds too.

    I'll bet chalky 160 - 180 pitchers, only in two team parlays with other chalky quality pitchers, reason being cuts the vig way down.
    Only time to bet the chalk pitchers are on the road with the run line, or in two team straight up parlays with other chalk aces.

    Long story short, which I am not capable of because brevity has never been my forte, I'm down like 12 units this year, not barreled in, but down.

    This is my eleventh year here at SBR writing up baseball, the previous ten seasons I've had six winning, two losing, and two season I broke about even, but the rules in baseball have effected the rules of handicapping. For sure.

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  11. #11
    jjgold
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    Nashy we are trying to win and you are telling us stories

    12 units not that bad still striking distance

  12. #12
    stevenash
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    Quote Originally Posted by jjgold View Post
    Nashy we are trying to win and you are telling us stories

    12 units not that bad still striking distance
    A little from column 'a'
    A little from column 'b'

    And yeah Coach, considering I was down 26 units a month ago, 12 units down seems like a victory.

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  13. #13
    jjgold
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    My posted spreadsheet baseball picks for this season

    all bets were to win 100


    Risked: $11,526.00 Won: $5,242.49 Lost: -$5,189.00 Net: $53.49 Win Percentage 51.55% | 50-47-1

  14. #14
    RudyRuetigger
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    Quote Originally Posted by jjgold View Post
    My posted spreadsheet baseball picks for this season

    all bets were to win 100


    Risked: $11,526.00 Won: $5,242.49 Lost: -$5,189.00 Net: $53.49 Win Percentage 51.55% | 50-47-1
    not real bets

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