[HedgeHog]

BTJ needs to get laid. When's the last time a female saw those "lucky charms", Jim?

[robmpink]

Bill, can you please refresh my memory w/ the lawn mower story?

[Strider]

I liked the lawn mower story.

please, do tell.

[HedgeHog]

A classic BTJ post:


(i am cutting yuris lawn tomorrow)

BOYS ANYBODY WHO KNOWS ME FROM OTHER FORUMS KNOWS I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH MY RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR YURI FOR OVER 10 YEARS. HE HAS TORTURED ME FOR 10 YEARS NOW MY LOVELY WIFE WANTS ME TO BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR AND GO CUT HIS LAWN BOYS I GUESS YURI HAS A REALLY BAD BACK AND IS CONSIDERING BACK SURGERY SO HE BASICALLY IS DISABLED SO MY WIFE WAS TALKING TO YURIS WIFE AND TOLD HER THAT HER LOVELY LAZY HUSBAND MEANING ME WILL GLADLY MOW THE LAWN UNTIL YURI FEELS BETTER THIS GUY YURI IS THE SAME GUY THAT LET A NIGERIAN STEAL MY LAWNMOWER ONLY 5 YEARS AGO NOW I AM MOWING HIS LAWN I F-CKING HATE YURI HE HAS BEEN BUSTING MY BALLS FOR 10 YEARS AND HE DOES IT ON PURPOSE HE USED TO DO IT SO I WOULD SELL MY HOUSE AND HIS BROTHER IN LAW COULD MOVE INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD

TOP 5 THINGS YURI HAS DONE TO BUST MY BALLS (THIS IS THE TOP 10 THERE HAS BEEN MORE) GOOD NEIGHBOR MY ARSE

#5 IN THE WINTER I WOULD WALK MY DOG AROUND THE BLOCK I TOLD YURI THE ROCK SALT BOTHERED MY DOG ACTUALLY CRIPPLING HIM WITH PAIN HE WOULD THROW DOWN MORE

#4 IN THE FALL HE BOUGHT A LEAF BLOWER AND HE WOULD BLOW ALL THE LEAVES INTO MY YARD AND SAY JEEZ JIM THE WINDS REALLY PICKED UP LAST NIGHT DIDNT THEY HIS YARD WAS SPOTLESS AND I HAD PILES OF LEAVES

#3 I WOULD BUST MY BALLS SHOVELING A FOOT OF SNOW OFF MY FRONT WALKWAY BACK BREAKING WORK YURI WOULD COME OUT LATER THAT NIGHT WITH HIS SNOWBLOWER AND COVER MY WALKWAY AGAIN HE WOULD AIM HIS SNOWBLOWER AT MY WALKWAY ON PURPOSE

#2 YURI BOUGHT A BIRD FEEDER HE PUTS IN THE CORNER OF HIS YARD SO ALL THE WILD LIFE GOES OVER THE FENCE AND INTO MY YARD.I GOT RACOONS IN MY ATTICK BECAUSE THIS F-CKING IDIOT IS FEEDING THE BIRDS

#1 YURI HAS NEW GUTTERS PUT ON HIS HOUSE HE HAS THEM SO ALL THE WATER DRAINS INTO MY YARD.MY YARD USED TO BE BONE DRY AFTER A RAIN STORM AFTER YURI AIMED HIS DRAIN PIPES INTO MY YARD I HAD A LAKE MY WIFE USED TO JOKE WHY DONT YOU GET A POLE AND GO FISHING.I FIGURED OUT WHAT HE DID ALL HIS WATER DRAINED INTO MY YARD
BOYS THIS F-CKING GUY ALSO LET A NIGERIAN STEAL MY LAWNMOWER I WAS POSTING AT SHRINKS FORUM I TOOK A BREAK FOR LUNCH AND WHEN I CAME OUT TO FINISH THE LAWN MY MOWER WAS GONE.I SKED YURI WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAWNMOWER AND HE SAID THAT A BLACK GUY CAMR BACK AND TOOK IT YURI THOUGHT I KNEW THE GUY AND ACTUALLY HELPED HIM LIFT IT AWAY.BOYS ISNT IT IRONIC NOW I HAVE TO GO MOW YURIS LAWN TOMORROW

BOYS AFTER ALL THIS TORTURE THIS NEIGHBOR HAS CAUSED ME NOW I AM GOING OVER TO MOW HIS LAWN I CANT F-CKING BELIEVE IT MY WIFE SUCKS BUT I HAVE TO DO IT OR SHE WILL CUT OFF MY ALLOWANCE WHAT SHE SAYS I HAVE TO DO OR I WILL HAVE TO GO OUT AND GET A REAL JOB.

KNOWING YURI HE IS GOING TO THROW ROCKS DOWN ON HIS LAWN SO HE CAN RUIN MY LAWNMOWER

[princecharles]

F-king classic.
A definite runner up to Corbin's classics.

[Strider]

oh my....that is a real gem. Thank you for posting this. I have tears from laughter after reading this.

[bobbywaves]

Yuri is the man with the master plan, would like to buy him a beer.

[Strider]

Jon give BTJ his bonus. I have seen you reward people you shouldn't and here you got a guy that you should actually be taking care of and yet you let it go this far? I'm baffled.

Have you even read this thread? Start at post1

[princecharles]

Have you even read this thread? Start at post1

Tru.
This entire thread is a brandy and fireplace fuking read.
Savor and rewind parts.
This is a perfect example of when people say, "Must be true, cause you can't make this shit up!".

[Al Masters]

A classic BTJ post:


(i am cutting yuris lawn tomorrow)

BOYS ANYBODY WHO KNOWS ME FROM OTHER FORUMS KNOWS I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH MY RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR YURI FOR OVER 10 YEARS. HE HAS TORTURED ME FOR 10 YEARS NOW MY LOVELY WIFE WANTS ME TO BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR AND GO CUT HIS LAWN BOYS I GUESS YURI HAS A REALLY BAD BACK AND IS CONSIDERING BACK SURGERY SO HE BASICALLY IS DISABLED SO MY WIFE WAS TALKING TO YURIS WIFE AND TOLD HER THAT HER LOVELY LAZY HUSBAND MEANING ME WILL GLADLY MOW THE LAWN UNTIL YURI FEELS BETTER THIS GUY YURI IS THE SAME GUY THAT LET A NIGERIAN STEAL MY LAWNMOWER ONLY 5 YEARS AGO NOW I AM MOWING HIS LAWN I F-CKING HATE YURI HE HAS BEEN BUSTING MY BALLS FOR 10 YEARS AND HE DOES IT ON PURPOSE HE USED TO DO IT SO I WOULD SELL MY HOUSE AND HIS BROTHER IN LAW COULD MOVE INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD

TOP 5 THINGS YURI HAS DONE TO BUST MY BALLS (THIS IS THE TOP 10 THERE HAS BEEN MORE) GOOD NEIGHBOR MY ARSE

#5 IN THE WINTER I WOULD WALK MY DOG AROUND THE BLOCK I TOLD YURI THE ROCK SALT BOTHERED MY DOG ACTUALLY CRIPPLING HIM WITH PAIN HE WOULD THROW DOWN MORE

#4 IN THE FALL HE BOUGHT A LEAF BLOWER AND HE WOULD BLOW ALL THE LEAVES INTO MY YARD AND SAY JEEZ JIM THE WINDS REALLY PICKED UP LAST NIGHT DIDNT THEY HIS YARD WAS SPOTLESS AND I HAD PILES OF LEAVES

#3 I WOULD BUST MY BALLS SHOVELING A FOOT OF SNOW OFF MY FRONT WALKWAY BACK BREAKING WORK YURI WOULD COME OUT LATER THAT NIGHT WITH HIS SNOWBLOWER AND COVER MY WALKWAY AGAIN HE WOULD AIM HIS SNOWBLOWER AT MY WALKWAY ON PURPOSE

#2 YURI BOUGHT A BIRD FEEDER HE PUTS IN THE CORNER OF HIS YARD SO ALL THE WILD LIFE GOES OVER THE FENCE AND INTO MY YARD.I GOT RACOONS IN MY ATTICK BECAUSE THIS F-CKING IDIOT IS FEEDING THE BIRDS

#1 YURI HAS NEW GUTTERS PUT ON HIS HOUSE HE HAS THEM SO ALL THE WATER DRAINS INTO MY YARD.MY YARD USED TO BE BONE DRY AFTER A RAIN STORM AFTER YURI AIMED HIS DRAIN PIPES INTO MY YARD I HAD A LAKE MY WIFE USED TO JOKE WHY DONT YOU GET A POLE AND GO FISHING.I FIGURED OUT WHAT HE DID ALL HIS WATER DRAINED INTO MY YARD
BOYS THIS F-CKING GUY ALSO LET A NIGERIAN STEAL MY LAWNMOWER I WAS POSTING AT SHRINKS FORUM I TOOK A BREAK FOR LUNCH AND WHEN I CAME OUT TO FINISH THE LAWN MY MOWER WAS GONE.I SKED YURI WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAWNMOWER AND HE SAID THAT A BLACK GUY CAMR BACK AND TOOK IT YURI THOUGHT I KNEW THE GUY AND ACTUALLY HELPED HIM LIFT IT AWAY.BOYS ISNT IT IRONIC NOW I HAVE TO GO MOW YURIS LAWN TOMORROW

BOYS AFTER ALL THIS TORTURE THIS NEIGHBOR HAS CAUSED ME NOW I AM GOING OVER TO MOW HIS LAWN I CANT F-CKING BELIEVE IT MY WIFE SUCKS BUT I HAVE TO DO IT OR SHE WILL CUT OFF MY ALLOWANCE WHAT SHE SAYS I HAVE TO DO OR I WILL HAVE TO GO OUT AND GET A REAL JOB.

KNOWING YURI HE IS GOING TO THROW ROCKS DOWN ON HIS LAWN SO HE CAN RUIN MY LAWNMOWER

This is not it.

[HedgeHog]

This is not it.

Perhaps you can retrieve it then. This came up when I did a search on "lawnmower" and "yuri". He goes over the famous incident that happened 5 years earlier in this post, and you can get the idea of what took place. I like this post better as "karma" comes full circle on BTJ and he ends up cutting the grass of the neighbor that let the "Nigerian" steal his previous lawnmower. For me, it was an "Archie Bunker" episode (All in the Family) unedited.

[Al Masters]

Here it is...i believe there is also a longer version out there.

NO IT WASNT A SPORTSBOOK THIS TIME I JUST TOOK A BREAK FROM CUTTING MY GRASS SO I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE NOW FOR 45 MINUTES.MY F-CKING LAWNMOWER HAS BEEN STOLEN JESUS CHRIST I AM F-CKING PISSED,I ASKED YURI NEXT DOOR AND HE SAID HE SAW SOME COLORED KID PUT IT INTO HIS TRUCK HE THOUGHT I WAS LETTING HIM USE IT.JESUS F-CKING CHRIST THESE F-CKING RUSSIANS ARE DUMB MOTHER F-CKERS YEH RIGHT LIKE I AM GOING TO LET A NUBIAN USE MY LAWNMOWER ITS GONE GUYS HOW DO I TELL MY WIFE I WAS POSTING IN THE RX AND SOME NIGERIAN STOLE OUR LAWNMOWER SHE WILL THINK I AM GOING BONKERS.THE LAWNMOWER IS 3 YEARS OLD ITS NOT THE MONEY ITS THE FACT THAT MY F-CKING STUPID RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR SAW A NIGERIAN STEAL MY MOWER AND HE JUST STANDS THERE THANKS A F-CKING LOT YURI.THE FRONT OF THE YARD IS HALF DONE NOW WHAT DO I DO.WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER ME THIS.I CANT BELIEVE IT I DONT LIKE TO GET ROBBED EVEN IF IT WAS A 6 PACK OF MY CORONAS ITS THE FACT THAT A LITTLE F-CKING BONE HEAD WALKED ONTO MY PROPERTY AND STOLE MY LAWNMOWER WHAT F-CKING BALLS.I CAN SEE IT NOW JIM HOW COME YOU DIDNT FINISH THE LAWN TODAY WELL HONEY I WENT IN TO TALK TO THE SHRINK,SICK GAMBLER,DIMEPLAYERONLY,AND LOU DIAMOND THEN WHEN I WENT BACK OUTSIDE SOMEBODY STOLE THE MOWER,I THINK SHE WILL HAVE ME COMMITTED TO THE MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTION OF MENTAL PATIENTS BOYS HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN TO HER I TOOK A BREAK TO GO ON THE INTERNET TO TALK TO A BUNCH OF MIS FITS AND THE MOWER WAS STOLEN,THATS IT NO ALLOWANCE AGAIN THIS WEEK ILL HAVE TO GO BUY A NEW LAWNMOWER AND MY WIFE WILL DEDUCT IT FROM MY WEEKLY SALARY.WHY DO I COME INTO THIS FORUM EVERYTIME I DO SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.

BOYS I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE RUSSIAN NEIGHBORS MAN THEY ARE THE DUMBEST PEOPLE ON EARTH I SAW A BLACK KID TAKE THE MOWER I THOUGHT HE WAS A FRIEND OF YOURS F-CK YOU YURI


THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE A ASKED MY GOOD BUDDY BOBBY WHO I HAVED KNOWN FOR 10 YEARS HE LIVES 3 HOUSES AWAY IF I COULD BORROW HIS LAWNMOWER TO FINISH THE YARD.HE SAY JEEZ JIM YOU KNOW I WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT BUT I NEED A NEW SPARK PLUG ITS NOT WORKING.I LEFT SAYING THANKS AGAIN STONE FACE THIS IS WHAT MY WIFE CALLS BOBBY BUT I KNOW HE IS FULL OF SH-T I SAW HIM CUTTING HIS LAWN SATURDAY AFTERNOON,BOY YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW YOUR F-CKING NEIGHBORS WHEN YOU NEED A FAVOR.LAST YEAR WHEN STONE FACE HAD HIS FAKE BACK INJURY AND WAS COLLETING FROM THE MASS BAY TRANSPORTATION AUTHORITY I HELPED SHOVEL OUT HIS WIFE IN A GOD DAM BLIZZARD AH I DONT CARE ANYMORE I AM JUST GOING TO TELL HONEY PIE THE MOWER WAS STOLEN BY A BONE HEAD WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO CHASE HIM AND GET SHOT.

BOYS MY WIFE JUST WENT CRAZY ON ME SHE WANTS TO KNOW HOW A 43 YEAR OLD MAN COULD LEAVE THE LAWN HALF DONE THEN GO ON HIS COMPUTER AND TALK TO A BUNCH OF FOOLS AS OUR LAWNMOWER IS BEING STOLEN.I AM DUE 1300 DOLLARS FOR ALLOWANCES AND BUSINESS EXPENSES THE 1ST OF THE MONTH.

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT IS THERE A SPORTSBOOK WHO WILL ACCEPT MY 1300 DOLLARS BUT HERES THE CATCH I WANT THE FULL 1300 FOR GAMBLING PURPOSES BUT I WANT TO KNOW IF A SPORTSBOOK WOULD TAKE MY BONUS MONEY AND HAVE HOME DEPOT DELIVER A BRAND NEW BRIGGS AND STRATTON LAWNMOWER SO I CAN PUT IT ON MY BOOKS AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE SO HONEY PIE WILL STOP YELLING AT ME.I KNOW DEAR I AM SORRY HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT DUMB F-CK NEXT DOOR WOULD LET A COLORED GUY STEAL OUR LAWNMOWER DONT WORRY DEAR I WILL BUY A NEW ONE OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE NOW LEAVE ME ALONE I AM TALKING TO A SHRINK.

I SEND OURT 1500 DOLLARS COLD CASH I GET 20% BONUS I FULLFILL ALL THE REQUIREMENTS.ALL I ASK IS THAT A LAWNMOWER IS BOUT WITH THE 250 DOLLAR BONUS MONEY.I JUST WENT TO HOME DEPOT I CAN GET A BRAND NEW BRIGGS AND STRATTON FOR 149.99 WITH TAX 152.99 AND THE DELIVERY FEE IS 20.00 DOLLARS SO ALL I AM ASKING FOR IS A NEW LAWNMOWER AND WE HAVE A DEAL.THIS COULD BE THE START OF SOMETHING NEW OFFSHORE THE PLAYERS ASK FOR A GIFT INSTEAD OF THE BONUS MONEY.THINK ABOUT IT SPORTSBOOKS INSTEAD OF SENDING THE GUYS 300 DOLLARS IN BONUS MONEY YOU COULD BUY THEM A NEW BIG BERTHA DRIVER AND EVERYBODY ID HAPPY I REALLY LIKE THIS CONCEPT.THE GAMBLER PLAYS OF HIS INITIAL DEPOSIT AND THE BONUS MONEY GOES FOR A GIFT.O.K. I WILL TAKE BROWNIE FOR A WALK DEAR JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE SHRINK WOW THE LOOK SHE JUST GAVE ME.SO THINK ABOUT IT FELLAS I HAVE TO RUN OUT AGAIN MAN THIS DOG IS GETTING TO BE A PAIN IN THE ARSE

WELL BOYS MY WIFE AND I JUST RETURNED FROM THE HOME DEPOT WE ARE NOW PROUD OWNERS OF THE (HONDA TORO RECYCLER LAWNWOWER 6.5 ENGINE)I DONT LIKE TO BRAG BUT AS OF 9.40 TONIGHT BEANTOWNJIM NOW OWNS THE ROLLS ROYCE OF LAWNMOWERS I CANT BELIEVE HOW NICE THIS IS.MY WIFE TOLD ME TO PUT IT IN THE GARAGE I SAID ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS F-CKING RUSSIAN NEXT DOOR THIS MOWER IS GOING IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL I GET A LOCK FOR THIS BEAUTY.THE SALESMAN ASKED MY WIFE AND I WHEN YOU GO TO WATCH THE RED SOX WHATS THE FIRST THING THAT ENTERS YOUR MIND.MY WIFE SAID THE WALL STICKS OUT SHE CANT BELIEVE HOW HIGH IT IS,THEN THE SALESMAN SAYS TO ME HOW ABOUT YOU JIM I SAID WELL I FIRST LOOK AT THE BROADS SELLING THE BEER JUST KIDDING MY WIFE PINCHES ME TO STOP THEN I SAID THE FIRST THING I LOOK AT IS THE GIANT SCOREBOARD IN CENTER FIELD.THE SALESMAN SAY WRONG ANSWER FOLKS DO YOU SEE HOW WELL CUT THE INFIELD IS AROUND THE MOUND I SAID NO NOT REALLY THEN THE SALESMAN SAYS NEXT TIME YOU GO LOOK AND SEE AND THEN YOU WILL REALIZE JUST HOW GOOD THIS LAWNMOWER YOU ARE GOING TO BUY IS.I LOOKED AT MY WIFE AND SAID WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS NUT HE REALLY TAKES HIS MOWERS SERIOUSLY.HE SAID JOE MOONEY THE HEAD GROUNDSKEEPER AT FENWAY PARK USES THE EXACT SAME LAWNMOWER YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BUY DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID JIM JOE MOONEY FROM FENWAY PARK USES THE (HONDA 6.5 TORO LAWNMOWER TO CUT FENWAY PARKS INFIELD.WOW BOYS I NOW OWN THE SAME LAWNMOWER AS JOE MOONEY THIS IS AN AMAZING HONOR.BOYS AS I WAS GOING TO BUY THIS FLOOR MODEL I SAVED 59 DOLLARS PLUS IT WAS ALREADY ASSEMBLED. THE NIGERIAN CASHIER SAYS WOW THATS A NICE MOWER I DONT KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME BUT I SAID YEH AND KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF IT.THE POOR KID LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS A GOD DAM WHITE SUPREMIST MY WIFE ALSO SAID SHE WILL NEVER GO TO HOME DEPOT WITH ME AGAIN I AM AN EMBARRASSMENT WHO THINKS HES FUNNY.THIS MOWER COST ME A PRETTY PENNY BOYS RETAIL 369 BUCKS AND IT COMES WITH A JOE MOONEY AUTOGRAPH I PAID 275.99 BECAUSE IT WAS RIGHT OFF THE FLOOR AND IT HAD A SMALL DENT.I WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT I AM STAYING UP PROTECTING THE LAWNMOWER EVEN THOUGH ITS IN MY LIVING ROOM I AM NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES WITH THE RUSSIAN SPY NEXT DOOR.I CANT WAIT TO SEE YURIS FACE WHEN I BREAK OUT THE ROLLS TOMORROW MORNING I AM CUTTING THE GRASS AT 6.30 AM JUST SO I CAN WAKE UP THAT F-CKING RUSSIAN HE WILL SAY WHAT THE F-CK IS ALL THAT NOISE THEN I WANT HIM TO LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW AND SEE MY NEW LAWNMOWER.I CAN SEE HIS BIG STUPID FACE HALF ASLEEP LOOKING OUT AND ME WAVING SEE THIS LAWNMOWER YURI ITS MINE AND DONT EVER LET ANOTHER NIGERIAN ON MY PROPERTY O.K. NOW GO BANG YOUR OLD LADY BEFORE I DO

IF ANYBODY IS AT THE HOME DEPOT SOMETIME HAVE A LOOK AT JOE MOONEYS MOWER ITS THE HONDA TORO 6.5 RECYCLER MAN I CANT WAIT TO STARTN THIS BABY UP.

[BranchDavidian]

Did this 43 year old MAN ever explain why he completely dependent on some ALLOWANCE from his WIFE?

[Big_Slim]

IMO guys...I don't care if a book treat me like a zombie with full blown AIDS...as long as they have my money when its time to cash out thats all that matters!!!!

[BEANTOWNJIM]

OH MAN ITS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT WAS 9 YEARS AGO IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY WHEN THE BLACK CASHIER AT HOME DEPOT SAID HEY THATS A NICE LOOKING LAWNMOWER AND I TOLD HIM TO KEEP HIS HANDS OFF IT I DIDNT TRUST ANY NIGERIANS BACK THEN ESPECIALLY AFTER THE MOWER WAS STOLEN

NOW I HAVE 2 LAWNMOWERS AND YES THEY ARE UNDER LOCK AND KEY SO NEXT TIME YOU GUYS SEE A BLACK GUY CUTTING GRASS ASK YOURSELF COULD THAT BE BEANTOWNJIMS LAWNMOWER

[Brock Landers]