T'was the night before christmas
And all through the house
Everyone felt shitty
Even the mouse


Mom at the whorehouse
And dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
For a nice piece of ass

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
To see what's the matter

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
The old rooster_eater fell

He filled all our stockings
With pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother the queer

He rose up the chimney
With a thuderous fart
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart

He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight
Piss on you all
And have a good night!