Originally posted on 12/18/2010:

I would like to offer my services for this job posting. I have various handicapping tools in my arsenal. I have one method I have dubbed the Currency. The Currency is not theoretical in nature but has an actual physical form. I attribute a unique variable to each plane of the instrument for dual outcome sporting events. I then physically toss the object so that it turns in mid air with the aid of two of my appendages. When gravity makes the object land whatever plane is facing upwards is the variable I choose as the positive outcome of the event. I then work to find meaningless statistics to assign to this outcome that justify its choice. When this is not enough I cite vague emotional awareness or false insider knowledge as further justification.

If the progression of outcomes prove to be unsuccessful I continue along with this method citing bad luck,cheating and/or variance. If the method proves to be unsuccessful over a larger sample size I have another tool I have dubbed the pseudonym which is implemented for a time before I use the Currency again. Whatever the case the methods become successful in the long run.

Get back to me.

MM