Originally posted on 01/14/2023:

A correspondence found in the wreckage of the SS Sportsbook Review.

My Dearest Mildred,

As we set out in the Autumn of 21, there was an unexpected change and Captain John was relieved of his duties. There was a lack of leadership, but the crew was steadfast in their loyalty and focused on the task at hand. There were promises of better riches ahead and that rations would be plentiful. But it was soon evident that these promises were as empty as our mugs of grog and barrels of rum. After many moons without leadership or communication we were assured that we would be going to port, and the store will be open and full of treasures.
Although Lieutenant Profits has plugged many a hole in thee ship and Sir Optimus and the female swashbuckler has reassured us of better seas while casting out bellyachers and picaroons, we are convinced we have been hornswaggled and we are taking it in the dungbie. All the while, we have been subsisting on hardtack alone(not even the dreaded pizza hut), and many a sailor have bad cases of the scurvy. On the bright side a few sailors were awarded a gift card to obtain a Messi jersey and one received tickets to a Pirates baseball game if we make it back by April. As I look out at the horizon feeling the strength of Davey's grip, Dearest Milly, I dream of coming back home to you before the cannibalism begineth. Do whatever you can to survive, because when I returneth, I will be carrying many a tier with me, and these tiers will open up doors in society that were never thought possible.