Originally posted on 05/22/2015:

Quote Originally Posted by gauchojake View Post
This will lead to threads like

how to quit cigs?
My neighbor smokes menthols. Are they better?
is vaping safe?
Anyone ever tried Chantix?


Please do not feed the bears
had the pleasure of representing a friend of a friend who was using chantix to quit smoking...... lead to one helluva criminal episode.....

he's at a bar with friends, starts hallucinating and talkin' a bunch of shit about being in the CIA.... amazingly, none of his friends slap him upside the head and say "wtf is wrong with you, brah"..... the more he drinks, after having taken his daily dose of chantix, the more it affects hiim. Nevertheless, while trippin'ballsboy is talking nonsense, his friend/wingman is picking up two chicks who, despite the idiotic ramblings of chantixboy, decide to go back to the other guy's place. Other guy drives their bmw, while chantixboy follows them in his truck.....

all goes well until the reach the guys house, for as the bmw with the two girls and other guy pulls up in front of the house and stops, chantixboy guns it and plows into their parked car doing about 40 mph..... in that instant the night goes from "we're gettin' laid, brah" to having two pissed off chicks with a rear ended bmw.....

they confront trippin'ballsboy, and he starts screaming at them; they try to call 911 on their cell phones, he grabs them and smashes them against the wingman's house.... they are yelling at him so he immediately strips down and hauls ass on foot down the street.

mind you, he has no recollection of any of this, and now we have to put together what happens from a string of 911 calls from neighbors.... first call, "911, what's your emergency?" "there's a naked guy in my back yard showering down with my water hose. Wait, he just ran behind my garage."...... second call "911...." "yah, there's a guy climbing my fence coming into my back yard. I think he's naked. What should I do?" "officers are on the way, don't confront him."

officers arrive on the scene. chantixboy sees flashing lights, so he runs for cover, sees a ditch, half full of water..... not realizing cops are watching him, they see him dive into the ditch, naked, and go under water.... nearby they see his nose poke above the surface like some sort of water turtle, trying to breath air while not exposing the rest of himself.... at this point, the cops are damn near laughing.

they approach with guns drawn, and CB makes a "oh yes they call him the Streak" brake for it, hauling ass naked back by the original wreck scene, down the middle of the street, cops in tow..... unfortunately for him, the other cops talking to the women see the approaching streaker, and make a splendid "across the bow" takedown CB never sees coming..... he has no recollection of any of it......

I get him a plea deal for deferred adjudication on the charge of "leaving the scene of an accident." all other charges dropped after I asserted the "Chantix Defense."