Originally posted on 02/09/2015:

i believe that we were before, and will continue to be, after this stint on earth. while the life here can be painful, brutal, saddening, and even disheartening in many ways, i also can see the the good, beauty, happiness, love, and charity here. i believe u are spot on jmon. its doing the small random good deeds unto others that will help pacify our souls and give peace in our hearts and minds. it's crazy but serving others is actually mending ourself in many ways. death is not something the youth ponder much, but every one of us will face death. when we watch those we love die, it changes our view on life and how precious every moment actually is. when i meet someone who has encountered horrendous personal tragedy, i can't help but notice the change in how they look at time differently. tell the ones you love what they mean and make every moment count. while personally i believe in an afterlife. i also believe time on earth is short and that we might wish we could go back and change or redo things. enjoy life and recognize the value of the moments we take for granted.

my my father was diagnosed with ALS last year and his time left is short, for weeks i couldn't sleep as i could not accept his terminal assessment. all the hate, anger, resentment, and sorrow was consuming me. i cannot change the fate of anyone, however i can choose to help someone in need or try and pay it forward as best i can. so i tell myself. i am going to do good deeds because it's what my father would have done himself and what he will want after he departs. spending time around him. i focus on the little details. i want to remember the little things he does and pray that i don't forget what it is like to be around such a great man.

even a selfish, greedy, self medicating person, as myself, believes i can offer some good to others and that's what makes me feel of some value in the grand scheme of things