Originally posted on 02/04/2015:

When I was twelve, I graduated from high school as valedictorian, went to Harvard on an academic scholarship--full ride. I put 5 hoes out on the track at Caimbridge and flipped ki's of coke from my Colombian law professor to the mob in Boston. My sophomore year at Harvard (age 13), I went to work for the CIA and simultaneously developed a cure for cancer. My employer won't allow me to release it due to their penchant for population control.....but anyways. Those days are long gone. Now I am an astronaut and am also the CEO of a multinational corporation.....and I still smoke crack with the banginest hookers you ever seen. Yeah baby.

PS--the Ultimate Warrior owns Triple H's ass.