Originally posted on 12/21/2011:

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BOYS I JUST GOT A VERY DISTURBING PHONE CALL FROM ONE OF MY LOCAL BOOKIES AND HE WASNT TO HAPPY.FIRST OFF I HAVE KNOWN (PHIL THE BARBER) FOR 20 YEARS WE USED TO DRINK TOGETHER AT THE IRISH SOCIAL CLUB.I KNEW PHIL THE BARBER WAS HAVING FAMILY TROUBLE HIS WIFE WAS DIVORCING HIM AND HE HAS A REALLY SICK KID.PHIL THE BARBER HAS BEEN A CUMPULISIVE GAMBLER ALL HIS LIFE SO HE AND I HIT IT OFF GREAT WE WOULD ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE GAMES AND HOW WE GOT SCREWED ON THIS GAME AND THAT GAME.WELL ABOUT A MONTH AND A HALF AGO I FIXED PHIL UP WITH A LOCAL BOOKIE OF MINE I TOLD HIM FROM THE START PHIL THESE GUYS DONT PLAY GAMES THEY DONT LIKE TO CARRY OVER.THEY PAY ON MONDAY AND YOU CAN PAY ON WEDNESDAY BUT NO LATER.SO I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GOING O.K. I DIDNT HEAR FROM PHIL IN OVER A MONTH WELL FELLAS HERE COMES THE PROBLEM I GET THE CALL TONIGHT FROM THE WISE GUYS IT APPEARS PHIL THE BARBER HIT THEM FOR ABOUT 9 GRAND THE LAST MONTH OR SO NOW PHILL OWES 5400 DOLLARS HE CARRIED OVER 2 GRAND LAST WEEK AND HE LOST 3400 YESTERDAY THE BOYS SAID PHIL DIDNT CALL IN TODAY AND THEY WANT ME TO TRY AND GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM.BOYS 5400 MIGHT BE CHUMP CHANGE OFFSHORE BUT THE LOCAL BOYS TREAT THIS DIFFERENTLY I HAVE SEEN GUYS HOSPITALIZED FOR A MONTH FOR LESS THAN 5400.AM I RESPONSIBLE EVEN THOUGH THESE GUYS HAVE MET AND HAVE BEEN MEETING FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS NOW SURE I INTRIODUCED HIM BUT WHY AM I HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR ANOTHER GUYS ACCOUNT.THEY WERE REALLY PISSED AT ME I KNOW THERE TRYING TO SCARE ME INTO GETTING THE MONEY FROM PHIL THE BARBER BUT IF THE GUY WONT PAY WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO.THE LAST THING THE GUYS SAID TO ME WAS HEY BEANTOWNJIM WHAT HAND DO YOU WRITE WITH AND HUNG UP.I GOT HIS DRIFT HE IS TELLING ME IN AN INDIRECT WAY THAT IF I DONT CHASE DOWN PHIL THE BARBER THEY WANT TO KNOW WICH ARM I WANT BROKEN.SEE BOYS THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS PAY MY TAB ON THE MAIN LAND YOU DONT WANT TO GET IN THE HOLE WITH THE LOCALS NOW WHAT THE F-CK I DONT FEEL LIKE LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER EVERYTIME I GO OUT NOW.THIS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO I GOT STUCK AND WENT ON PAYMENT PLAN BUT THAT WAS SO LONG AGO I AM 43 YEARS OLD AND I DONT FEEL LIKE PLAYING KIDS GAMES.(BOYS AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR PHIL THE BARBER EVEN THOUGH THESE GUYS HAVE BEEN MEETING EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE I DIDNT HEAR ANYTHING UBTIL ABOUT 30 MINUTES AGO.I TRIED TO CALL PHIL BUT THERE WASNT ANY ANSWER WOW WHAT A PICKLE.JESUS CHRIST THIS MONTH OF AUGUST HAS BEEN THE WORST OF MY LIFE I GET MY LAWNMOWER STOLEN,I HAVENT HAD A WINNER IN 15 DAYS,AND NOW I HAVE A FRIEND OF MINE STIFFING A SERIOUS BOOKIE SHOP.SOME GUYS WILL LET YOU CARRY OVER BUT I KNEW THESE GUYS WOULDNT.WHAT THE F-CK I AM STRESSED OUT
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BOYS MY WIFE IS REALLY UPSET WITH ME TODAY AND SHE ACTUALLY SWORE AT ME SHE CALLED ME A F-CK UP.I THINK THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HEARD HER SWEAR IN 10 YEARS BUT MAYBE SHE HAS A POINT.BOYS I ALWAYS WATCH THIS OLD HOUSE AND ALL THESE OTHER PROGRAMS THE DO IT YOURSELF SHOWS AND THEY MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK SO EASY.SO I DECIDED YESTERDAY THAT I WAS GOING TO PUT DOWN A CERAMIC TILE FLOOR BY MYSELF PIECE OF CAKE RIGHT WRONG I F-CKED IT UP.THE GUY AT HOME DEPOT SAID LAYING A TILE FLOOR IS EASY HE COULD TRAIN 2 MONKEYS AT THE FRANKLIN PARK ZOO TO DO IT.SO I SAID FINE I WILL BUY A 300 DOLLAR WATER SAW MORTAR MIX GROUT AND DO THE JOB MYSELF BIG MISTAKE FELLAS.THE OLD FLOOR HAD THOSE CHEAP STICK ON TILES SO I SAID HEY F-CK IT I CAN FOLLOW THE OLD LINES IT LOOKS STRAIGHT TO ME WELL YOU GUESSED IT I DID 2-3 ROWS OF TOUGH WORK MIXING MORTAR AND LUGGING AROUND 13 X 13 TILES I SAID WHAT THE F-CK THESE LINES ARE NOT LINING UP IT WAS ABOUT A 1/4 OF AN INCH OFF.SO I FIGURED I COULD CHEAT A LITTLE WITH THE SPACING OH MAN NOW I AM F-CKED BY THE 4TH ROW I WAS 1/2 INCH OFF I WAS SCREWED I KNEW IT WOULD ONLY GET WORSE AS I GET TO THE 9TH ROW OF TILE SO I STOPPED.NOW MY WIFE IS BULLSH-T AT ME FOR F-CKING UP THE FLOOR IT WILL COST US AN ADDITIONAL 1000 DOLLARS TO HAVE SOMEBODY COME IN AND RIP UP MY MISTAKES AND START OVER.SO MUCH FOR THE MONKEY THEORY I AM THINKING OF GOING BACK TO HOME DEPOT AND PUNCHING OUT THE GUY THAT TOLD ME IT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE TO PUT IN A TILED FLOOR.IF I EVER RUN INTO THAT ARSEHOLE DEAN JOHNSON ON THE HOME IMPROVEMENTS STATION WHO ALSO ENCOURAGES PEOPLE TO DO TILE ON THERE OWN I WILL SMACK HIM RIGHT IN THE MOUTH I NEVER LIKED THIS YUPPIE f\*g ANYWAY BOYS HOW CAN I PROVE TO HONEY PIE THAT I AM NOT A F-CK UP AND BUILD HER CONFIDENCE IN ME AGAIN I NEED AN EASY DO IT YOURSELF JOB THAT SHE KNOWS I CAN HANDLE.

SHE ALSO MENTIONED THAT I COULDNT EVEN CUT THE LAWN WITHOUT F-CKING UP WHEN MY LAWNMOWER GOT STOLEN LAST YEAR SHE THINKS I AM A REAL LOSER RIGHT NOW AND I MUST REBUILD HER CONFIDENCE IN ME.ITS A TERRIBLE FEELING WHEN SOMEBODY THAT LOVES YOU HAS LOST FAITH WHEN SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR THIS MORNING SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ANYTHING PLEASE YOU ARE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN.THERE MUST BE SOMETHING I CAN DO TO RE-NEW HER FAITH IN ME EVEN BROWNIE MY DOG THINKS I AM A F-CK UP THE OTHER DAY I WAS WALKING HIM IN THE PARK AND HE WAS GOING HOME WITH ANOTHER PERSON EVEN THOUGH I WAS CALLING HIM.
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WHAT THE F-CK IS GOING ON HERE I JUST LOOKED OUT IN MY YARD AND I HAVE A POND I AM NOT SH-TTING YOU I AM FLOODED OUT.WE ARE HAVING FLASH FLOODS HERE IN BOSTON 3 INCHES OF RAIN THE LAST 2 DAYS.BOYS WHEN I TELL YOU THIS I KNOW YOU WONT BELIEVE ME BUT I HAVE A MAN MADE POND IN MY YARD AND THE F-CKING RUSSIAN NEXT DOOR DID IT TO ME.I HAVE BEEN THROUGH HEAVY RAINS IN THE PAST BUT I AM NOT KIDDING YOU I HAVE A LAKE RIGHT NOW I COULD ACTUALLY ROW A BOAT.I TOLD MY WIFE I HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT THE F-CK IS GOING ON SO I PUT ON MY 2 FOOT RUBBER BOOTS AND WENT OUTSIDE TO INVESTIGATE.CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BULLSH-T YURI HAS A NEW PCV PIPE ABOUT 4 INCHES WIDE DRAINING ALL THE WATER FROM HIS YARD UNDER MY FENCE WHAT THE F-CK THE BALLS ON THIS GUY.I AM GOING TO THE DEPARTMENT OF INSPECTIONALSERVICES TOMORROW AND MAKE HIM DIG UP HIS YARD AND MOVE THIS PIPE I AM F-CKING FLOODED OUT.I F-CKING KNEW IT WAS TO QUIET AROUND HERE I AM LIVING NEXT DOOR TO A FRIGGING MENTAL CASE.THIS F-CKING RUSSIAN IS TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL HIM I DONT KNOW IF HE HAS A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY ON ME AND IS HOPING I AM SENT TO DEATH ROW.BOYS THIS IS NO JOKE I CAN GO FISHING IN MY BACK YARD AND I AM WATCHING THE WATER DRAIN FROM YURIS YARD I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I AM SEEING EVEN MY WIFE IS BULLSH-T IF IT WASNT SO LATE I WOULD MARCH OVER HIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW AND KICK THIS F-CKING IDIOTS ARSE.
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BOYS I WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS ABOUT MY FATHER IT MEANS A LOT.MY FATHER WAS LAID TO REST TUESDAY MORNING IT WAS A WONDERFULL DAY BRIGHT AND SUNNY MY FATHER WOULD HAVE LOVED IT.EACH DAY IS TOUGH BUT I AM TRYING TO GET ALONG THE BEST I CAN,THANKS AGAIN JACK FOR HAVING THE BEST FORUM ONLINE

BOYS YOU GUYS MIGHT FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT ME AND YURI ACTUALLY SPOKE THE OTHER NIGHT WITHOUT ANY OBSENITIES SHOUTED AT EACH OTHER WE EVEN SHOOK HANDS.YURI AND HIS WIFE WERE VERY NICE WHEN THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT MY FATHER THEY STOPPED BY THE HOUSE TWICE.

I LOVE THESE RUSSIANS YURIS WIFE MAKES A RUM CAKE FOR ME TO BRING TO MY MOTHERS HOUSE I CANT MAKE THIS UP ITS TO FUNNY.FELLAS I HAVE NEVER EVEN TASTED RUM CAKE BEFORE AND HERE I AM BRINGING A CAKE TO MY MOTHER FROM A COUPLE OF STRANGERS.I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS REGULAR RUM IS 100 PROOF THIS CAKE WAS ABOUT 150 PROOF IT HAD SO MUCH RUM IN IT I DONT THINK THERE WAS ANY CAKE.LET ME TRY AND EXPLAIN IT IT WAS MOIST AND KIND OF WET I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHY THE F-CKING CAKE MUST HAVE HAD 2 GALLONS OF RUM IN IT I SWEAR TO GOD MY BROTHER IN LAW PASSED OUT AT THE TABLE AFTER THE WAKE.I HAD 2 SLICES AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS DOING THE IRISH JIG WITHOUT MUSIC MAN THIS CAKE REALLY PACKED A PUNCH.BOYS I TOLD MY WIFE TO GET THE RECIEPT FOR THIS RUM CAKE MAN THESE RUSSIANS REALLY KNOW HOW TO COOK.THE WHOLE FAMILY WAS ACTING WEIRD AFTER EATING YURIS CAKE MY SISTER STARTED WALKING AROUND THE HOUSE NO BIG DEAL YOU SAY EXCEPT SHE WAS WALKING BACKWARDS.IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I ATE CAKE AND WAS HUNGOVER.IF ANY MADJACKERS WANT THE RECIEPT FOR YURIS CAKE I MIGHT POST IT IN THE FORUM.

BOYS I HAD A MAN TO MAN WITH YURI THE OTHER NIGHT ABOUT OUR FAMILIES AND CULTURES I THINK YURI AND I HAVE SOLVED OUR DIFFERENCES.I SAID TO YURI FEEL FREE TO CALL ME BORIS IF YOUR FRIENDS FROM RUSSIA ARE VISITING THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND YOU WANT TO TELL THEM YOU LIVE IN A RUSSIAN COMMUNITY AND I WILL CALL YOU STEVE IF MY AMERICAN PALS ARE VISITING I THINK THIS WILL MAKE FOR A PEACEFULL NEIGHBORHOOD.YURI AND I HAVE BURRIED THE HATCHET BUT ITS GOING TO BE A LONG SUMMER AND I JUST NOTICED HE BOUGHT A BIRD HOUSE THAT BRINGS SQUIRELS AND MICE FROM THE SEEDS I DIDNT BLOW A GASKET YET BUT THE BIRDHOUSE HAS TO GO I DONT WANT BIRDSHIT ALL OVER MY TRUCK.I KNEW WE COULDNT KEEP THE PEACE VERY LONG I FEEL LIKE SETTING HIM STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW
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WELL BOYS IT MIGHT BE CURTAINS FOR YOUR OLD PAL BEANTOWNJIM MY NEXT STOP MIGHT BE LEAVENWORTH.BOYS YOUR OLD PAL GOT HIMSELF INTO A LITTLE JAM AND HE NEEDS SOME HELP NOT EVEN MY WIFE KNOWS ABOUT THIS PROBLEM.FELLAS AS YOU KNOW I AM AN ALL AMERICAN BOY AS A MATTER OF FACT MOST OF YOU GUYS WILL REMEMBER MY FAVORITE SONG (I AM A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY) NOIW THAT BEING SAID YOUR GOOD PAL BEANTOWNJIM DID A VERY DUMB THING.WOW MY WIFE IS GOING TO KILL ME

IT ALL STARTED ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO WHEN I NOTICED A CHECK FROM THE IRS AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF WONDERFULL MY 275 DOLLAR REFUND FINALLY CAME NOW I CAN BUY A COUPLE OF LO0BSTERS FOR LUNCH AT MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT http://WWW.LEGALSEAFOODS.COM WELL FELLAS YOU CANT GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT CAN YOU. YOU GUESSED IT THE CHECK WASNT FOR 275 DOLLARS IT WAS FOR 9,275 DOLLARS MY EYSE LIT UP LIKE THE 4TH OF JULY PINCH ME FELLAS I AM DREAMING THE GOVERNMENT MADE A 9 DIME MISTAKE IN MY FAVOR YEH BABY.SO FOR THE LAST 2 MONTHS I HAVE BEEN LIVING LIKE A KING HELL THE NIGHT I GOT THE CHECK I BOUGHT A ROUND AT THE IRISH SOCIAL CLUB JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN FELL OFF HIS SEAT AND LAID ON THE FLOOR JOKING AROUND.FELLAS I HAVE BEEN HAVING A BLAST GAMBLING, DRINKING, CARD GAMES,GOLF CLUBS MAN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD.

WELL BOYS MY LUCK HAS RUN OUT UNCLE SAM HAS FOUND THERE MISTAKE NOW THEY WANT THE DOUGH BACK WITHIN 21 DAYS WHERE THE F-CK AM I GOING TO COME UP WITH 9 DIMES WITHOUT GOING TO MY LOVELY WIFE.BOYS I NEED YOUR ADVICE HOW CAN I SCRAPE UP 9 GRAND IN 21 DAYS I HAVE BEEN GOING BAD IN THE GAMES SO I NEED ANOTHER OPTION.JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN SUGGESTED I GO TO ROXBURY A BLACK COMMUNITY LOADED WITH CRIME AND GET SHOT IT WOULD BE EASIER THAN FACING MY WIFE PLUS SHE COULD COLLECT ON MY LIFE INSURANCE AND PAY BACK THE GOVERNMENT.I TOLD JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN I WOULD CONSIDER HIS ADVICE.I KNEW THEY WOULD EVENTUALLY FIND THE MISTAKE BUT I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS SOON I AM COOKED BOYS ALL SUGGESTIONS WILL BE TAKEN UNDER ADVISEMENT.PLEASE ONLY SERIOUS REPLIES I AM IN BIG SH-T.YURI IS GOING BACK TO MOSCOW NEXT MONTH MAYBE HE CAN TAKE ME ALONG IN HIS SUITCASE OR SHIP ME OUT OF THE COUNTRY IN A BOX.ANYTHING JUST DONT MAKE ME TELL MY WIFE I SPENT 9 THOUSAND DOLLARS.

LEAVENWORTH HAS HAD MANY FAMOUS PEOPLE THE BIRDMAN OF ALCATRAZ,AL CAPONE AND NOW BEANTOWNJIM.SHRINK MAYBE YOU CAN TAKE UP A COLLECTION AMOUNGST THE POSTERS I HAVE MADE A LOT OF GOOD FRIENDS IN THESE FORUMS.

BOYS THIS WAS THE IRS'S MISTAKE BUT I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO SAY WHY DIDNT I CALL THEM AND REPORT THERE MISTAKE.HOW CAN I GET OUT OF THIS WITHOUT PAYING BIG INTEREST ON THE DOUGH.

(BEANTOWNJIM AINT GRINNING BECAUSE I KNOW THE IRS IS WINNING)

MAYBE I CAN CLAIM I AM BRAINDEAD AND I SPEND 15 HOURS A DAY IN THE EYE ON GAMBLING SPORTS FORUM TO PROVE IT.OH MAN I AM COOKED.
THE IRS GAVE ME A NUMBER TO CALL AND FOR 2 DAYS THE PHONE HAS RUNG OFF THE HOOK.THIS IS WHY THE PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY REVOLT AGAINST THIS GOVERNMENT I AM TRYING TO CONTACT THEM TO PLAY LETS MAKE A DEAL AND OF COURSE NOBODY ANSWERS THIS IS BULLSHIT.SURE I WILL PAY BACK THE MONEY BUT I NEED SOME TIME PLUS I NEED SOME KIND OF AN INTEREST FREE PAYBACK AFTER ALL IT WAS THERE MISTAKE.

I KNOW THE IRS IS TOUGH TO DEAL WITH BUT SINCE THEY MADE THE ERROR DOES ANYBODY THINK THEY WILL CUT ME SOME SLACK IN PAYING BACK.HELL THERES NO WAY I CAN COME UP WITH THE 9 DIMES IN 21 DAYS FROM THERE ORIGINAL LETTER.
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