"What a nightmare I had last night. I dreamed I was at a Washington party and I had to choose between Dick Cheney taking me on a hunting trip or Ted Kennedy driving me home." --Jay Leno
"Patrick Kennedy crashed his car and said he doesn't remember anything about the accident, except a huge sense of relief when he came to and he wasn't soaking wet." --Bill Maher
"Congressman Patrick Kennedy crashed his car into a barricade on Capitol Hill at 3 o'clock in the morning yesterday. The head of his office said there was no alcohol involved. That's why it's a big story, a Kennedy, a car accident and no alcohol? That's never happened before." --Jay Leno
"Did you hear his excuse for hitting the barrier? He said he had to swerve to avoid hitting Ted Kennedy who was crawling home. … I guess the apple doesn't stagger too far from the tree." --Jay Leno
"Ted Kennedy was stopped for going on an airline because his name somehow ended up on a no-fly list. Is this really safe for people — Ted Kennedy driving?" --Craig Kilborn