[Wanna Bet On It?]

Originally posted on 01/30/2013:

Hey Everyone! Long time, no post.

As I'm sure you're all aware, I've been in a lengthy contract dispute with SBR over monetary terms. The site hasn't been willing to pay me what I feel I'm worth for the added eyeballs on their site. Plus, my doctor time is worth money (amirite?). Anyways, they've smartened up and are willing to pay my hefty financial demands on an article-by-article basis. I get paid by the word so get comfy.

Their first request is that I write an article about our beloved SBR moderator Vaughany. Now not just any article; a very personal article that only I have had the privilege to learn about through helping him in the clinic.


Art Imitating Life
by Dr. Wanna Bet

As I'm sure you're not aware, SBR moderator Vaughany has fallen ill lately. It's a very unfortunate yet magnificent case of art imitating life. I'm writing up the case report as we speak.

Now many of you are aware of Vaughany's notorious approach to MMA betting: parlaying two ridiculously chalky props like NOT Lavar Johnson by gogoplata x NOT Demian Maia by inverted tornado kick knockout at -100,000 a piece. The guy would risk 5000 pounds to win 10 (s)quids.

Vaughany was quite successful at pecking away at a few squids at a time. Unfortunately, everytime he bet his bar mitzvah money on such obscure props, he would get a massive adrenaline rush just to win a handful of squids.

Over time, all of those adrenaline dumps led to damage of his heart. Usually it's caused be an adrenaline-releasing tumour called a pheochromocytoma but because Vaughany is such a unique individual with such rare betting strategies, his habits mimicked a pheo (I use 'betting' in the past tense: he no longer posts his bets on SBR even though he has a dedicated thread specifically for that purpose and he's known as some sort of a betting guru despite only posting 'lol' replies and matt damon gifs). Anyways, I digress. The rare condition he suffers from is known as Inverted Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy.

Now I'm sure no one except Dr JonKunDo and perhaps Japanese-speaking people are familiar with this disease so I'll briefly explain. It's when the base of the heart stops contracting and the apex of the heart tries to compensate by becoming hypercontractile.

It's very rare although - given its unique appearance on echocardiogram - you may be more familiar with its colloquial name: Squid Syndrome.

How Ironic. Chasing a few squids made his heart turn into... well... one giant squid.



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Oh. I'll be accepting donations on his behalf. betpoints are a good way to donate because I negotiated a special points-to-cash agreement with the site. If we pool enough money together, we can get him a heart transplant. Don't worry, the money will go to a good place (possibly my gambling addiction). And if we don't raise enough money for you Vaughany, rest assured that nothing will go to waste; your organs will be harvested to the highest bidder.

Signing off,
Dr. Wanna Bet



Eaty. Sleepy. Cerebral Hog Analysis.

... And doctor stuff too.