[fitguy67]

Overheard at the bank when the proctologist pulls out a rectal thermometer to sign a cheque: "Some asshole must have my pen..."

But seriously guyz, we’ve got to know what we’re up against to prevent this thread from the usual re-infection of trolls after the next inevitable downturn. (Canuck, if you can buy us some more time while we get the word out…)

To this end…you’ll see below what I’ve managed to cut and paste, from various reliable sources. (Keep in mind that anything and everything you read on the internet is 100% true…unless followed by “LOL”.) Get the word out…the quality of this thread, of this forum, even of humanity itself may be at stake.



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The Sport-forum troll: Facts and Theories

Research done on this interesting sub-(or perhaps non-)human species indicate that when exposed to a sport-betting forum page showing at least two consecutive losing days they get an uncontrollable erection (just as a strarved dog exposed to food salivates)…



Perhaps we should pity the wretched creatures…they’re in constant search of relief from the “priapism” caused by SBR where hundreds of arousing threads assault their pathetic little proto-brains simultaneously. (Interestingly, it’s recently been revealed that trolls are “prolly” allergic to dictionaries the way vampires are said to be allergic to garlic…so they are in fact hard-wired incapable of comprehending the previous, or this, sentence. One theory has it that their proto-brain simply switches off after 39 words or two sentences, whichever comes first…neuronal impulses are then directly shunted to the reptilian-brain, leading to their impulse to “bite the hand that feeds them”.)


This inept group wasn’t even noticed until the rise of the internet in general, sports-forums in particular. Till now, they’ve usually been “contained” living unproductive lives in some random relative’s basement and misdiagnosed as a garden-variety “loser”…but proctologists have always known better and have been waging a secret war on behalf of humanity to, as one practitioner put it, “throw them off their game and keep them at bay (even leaking the rectal-thermometer “joke” so that the battle could be “waged while hidden in plain site by the seeming ridulousness of it all”)…They take such a hardline approach because they believe that the forum-trolls are actually the advance guard to an alien invasion. The same proctologist theorized that they (the trolls) have been sent here to soften and decay the social- and intellectual-fabric of humanity, but have chosen to focus first on the volatile internet-gambling virtual community.