Originally Posted by
baskets
I've been married for 5 years now and, on many fronts, things aren't going so well with my wife. When we were dating, we used to have lots of sex, but things changed when we got married. I started to get a lot of the "I'm tired" or "is that all you think of" excuse. Over the last few years I've gotten to a point of not bothering with initiating because 99% of the times I'd get rejected. Only from time to time, especially when she wants it then I get it. I call these "sympathy phucks". We're still fairly young in our 30s and do not have kids yet. Right now, we last had sex a almost 2 months ago.
In addition to the sex issue, my wife basically wants to dominate me and any complaint about anything is met with a very swift and stinging response! I just think there's complete disrespect for me because the talk back is laced with contempt, and, if I was weak emotionally, I would've have been violent with her a long time ago.
Guys, how does one explain a wife getting in the kitchen and making herself
food and not bother with making something for the husband? What kind of bull crap is that? I'm really angry about this stuff.
When we have fights, and she feels I've wronged her, she will give me the silent treatment that can extend to 3 weeks.
Things came to a head last week when I just felt I couldn't take it anymore and I basically "reported" her to her mother - the only person she will listen to. She had been ignoring me in the house for 2 weeks, but she's happy posting messages on her wall on FB, mostly communicating with the other ladies she works with. She recently discovered FB and it has consumed every moment of her time.
In the last 3 weeks that she's been giving me the silent treatment, one night I tried to touch her, and, predictably, I was rejected and reminded that since we weren't talking, I should not even begin to think of touching her. Defeated, I just rolled over and faced the other side, praying that I'd sleep! I have tried to talk to her and she only changes for a week and then fall back into her crap of starving me.
My reporting her to mom was a last resort! In hindsight, I realize maybe I shouldn't have, but I just wanted the mother to know that if I get to pull the plug, it would be because of a long history of being unhappy. Her mom is pretty old school and believes a man should be the head of the house,etc and was embarrassed by what I told her. She promised to sort it out with her daughter. My wife didn't take this move kindly and basically told me I had committed the most cardinal sin, which she would not forgive. She even went as far as threatning me with going separate ways because I've embarrassed her by outing her to her mom.
She has since gone to visit her parents and hasn't even made any contact, but she posts messages on her FB wall, announcing how happy she is spending time with her mom and brothers. I reckon this is a strategy to further phuck me up mentally: to push me into a position of defeat and then solicit a response from me, like, "i'm sorry, I miss you, etc".
I haven't done so and I just think that this situation presents me with an opportunity to take control of my household, unless she's no longer prepared to stay married to me. So , I will not even call her mom to find out what the outcome of their discussion was. I also know that her mother will probably take her side once she starts outing my transgressions to her. So I'm not banking on that to yield any delicious fruit. They're very close and my wife acts like she's still unmarried and her family is all that matters. I'm made to feel like I'm second class citizen in her life, and she happily takes her mom's advice on anything, but my word does not command the same respect from her!
Guys, here's where the plot thickens. There are two separate females who've entered my orbit and they've made offers to visit my place. I know that they'll spend the night and sex will happen. I haven't had sex in almost 2 months and I'm vulnerable right now!The hunger has brought my willpower to it's knees and I'm teetering on the brink of cheating. I feel I've taken too much shyte from my wife and I have to be selfish and satisfy the justifiable physical need I have.
From a strategy perspective, what do you advise I do to get my wife to respect me again? I have started going to gym, because I had gained a lot of weight and got fat, whilst she lost weight and is looking hot. She's getting a lot of attention from her female friends on FB, commenting about how stunning she looks. She's really basking in it and spends most of her time posting on her wall or friends' walls. I complained about the time she spends online, on FB. She accused me of wanting to control her and lashed out at me. I made a mistake of losing my cool when I confronted her.
When she comes back, I want her to find me in full gear with my transformation and taking charge of my life. I want her to see that I'm beginning to live my life without the spectre of her being the centre of everything I do.
So what strategic mistakes have I made so far and what can I change to get my power back?
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