This being the eve of my great Nation's birthday, do you think you could find it in your heart to do all of us a big favor.....

AND SIMPLY SHUT THE FUKK UP ALREADY??

I mean, look, I think I speak for most US citizens here when I tell you we don't give a fukk what you think about......
1) our country's current economic state. 2) how many American's are overweight. 3) how often we watch a broadcast of Fox News.
So, really, for July 4th....just chill out. Let's all be friends.
If you will do this for us, I promise we'll consider letting you win the Stanley Cup again someday soon.