10:15 AM- Wake up. Watch some porn to get going
10:45 AM- Shower and shave. Take morning dump and notice how it doesn't have a foul smell in his opinion, actually more of an earthy, natural smell
11:20 AM- Watch some tape of poker tourneys. Study gamesmanship of masters like Jamie Gold, Humberto Brenes, and Michael Rocco
12:30 PM- Drive to post office to pick up weekly porn parcel. Gets so excited he's stopped for speeding.
Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
Bitemeusadoj: Well obviously you were speeding too when you caught up with me. FACT!
Officer: That's my job, I'm allowed to when stopping those who are breaking the law.
Bitemeusadoj: Specious
Officer: What did you say?
Bitemeusadoj: What a dum dum maroon (mumbled)
Officer: Care to say that again?
Bitemeusadoj: I was clearing my throat, prove otherwise! Can't, can you?
Officer: Here is your citation, directions are on the back
Bitemeusadoj: (Rolls eyes and takes ticket)
12:55 PM- Arrive at post office. Notices that a representative from the 1% African American population of his town in upstate NY is also headed into the post office. He can't believe his luck, this is the second he's seen this week! Quicken pace to a speed walk just in time to open the door for the African American lady. "Thanks", she says. "You're very welcome!" he replies, beaming with a smile. Thinks to himself, 'Why don't those guys like Centaur worship African Americans too, and why do they use words I find offensive? Those dirty hillbilly, traitorous, Klan member dum dums!'
1:05 PM- Stop for gas. Go inside to buy condoms and diet Pepsi. Make small talk with 2 college chicks in line with him.
Biteme: Hi ladies! I usually buy Magnums but they were out hehe
Girls: Um, what?
Biteme: You two remind me a lot of (insert two porn stars he watched earlier). Anyone ever tell you that?
Girls: Can you just please leave us alone, ur a freak
Biteme: (Face reddens) Thinks to himself, 'I'm a nice guy. Not a freak at all.'
1:20 PM- Arrive home. Pleasures himself imagining the two college chicks at the gas station. The shorter one is looking on wearing nothing but a miners helmet, pink bowtie, and is covered in cinnamon singing "Pinball Wizard", while the brunette is on top of him in reverse cowgirl, oinking like a pig, wearing a catchers mitt, with a frowny face scrawled on her back in French's mustard.
1:25 PM- Logon to SBR to make some posts. Read a PM from Shari. She says that last week she passed a black gentleman in Australia who was getting off the bus as she was getting on. She smiled at him but he didn't see. He seemed really nice though. She also asks for his advice on how to avoid apologizing or seeming wrong after making ridiculous posts in this thread http://www.sportsbookreview.com/foru...ssouri-p3.html
After considering his favorite rationalization and deflection strategies he decides the best course of action for her is to stop posting in the thread and wait for it to be forgotten. He writes her he also saw a black lady today and she was very nice.
2:00 PM- Afternoon porn break. It's a really good one and he starts stomping the floor and pounding the wall.
2:25 PM- Knock at the door. It's his downstairs neighbor
Downstairs Neighbor: What's all the racket?
Biteme: Aw I'm just having a good time up here, no big deal
Downstairs Neighbor: Well please stop banging, we can barely think
Biteme: (Face reddens) Look I'm just getting you back for when you didn't open the door for me about 2 months ago when I had all those groceries!
Downstairs Neighbor: What? What are you talking about?
Biteme: You thought I forgot about that, didn't you?
(Next door neighbor walks up)
Next door neighbor: What's with the banging on the wall?
Downstairs Neighbor: He said he's getting me back for not opening the door for him 2 months ago
Next door neighbor: Well what does that have to do with banging on my wall?
Biteme: Specious! (Slams door)
2:30 PM- Skip his court ordered Psychiatrist appointment. Think about how perfect he is and try to remember the last time he was wrong about anything.
6:30 PM- Order dinner with an SBR pizza giftcard. Eat
7:30 PM- Post on SBR. Reward loyal allies (Biters) with points transfers and post nominations. Try to build following (Biters) by telling posters and poker players they "get it" when they agree with him. That reminds him he hasn't fed his 2 pet fish today
10:00 PM- Sprinkle some flake food in the water for Ron and Jeremy
10:05 PM- Wind down with some porn
11:00 PM- Superuse
2:15 AM- Take evening dump. No air freshener needed
2:30 AM- Turn on this year's AVN Awards show with volume on low. Go to sleep.